liilSQ • Ben Adams’ Broadcast for The Literary Digest. Saturday , . December S7. I9S0. Page 1 2 3 4: 5 6 7 8 Greetings, neighbors--you know feel as though the radio were just a tremendous widening of the old front porch--the neighbors all gathered together--and as I come up the steps they are asking me: "What happened today?" The first piece is a sad one. 9 ,TThere Is no hope.,, This was the tragic word that was given today to the International News Service in Paris by one of the attending physicians from the bedside of Marshal Joseph Joffre, France^ hero of the Marne, who was lying close to death as the result of a serious attack of arteritis which necessitated the amputation of his right leg. l,The Marshal1 s condition is so low,11 the doctor said, nthat we are unable to operate again despite the extreme urgency*n Latest United Press and Associated Press dispatches at four o’clock Chicago time report no change in Joffre1s condition and indicate that he will probably last through the night. JOFFRS Papa Joifre”, the 79 year old, white-haired hero of tne I,.erne whose oicture rrobahly decorates more homes in France than that of any other national figure, as the International News Service correspondent tells us, haj been seriously ill for severs! days with an inflammation of the arteries. The seriousnes: of his illness was kept from the public until this morning. Now France, just recovering from worry over the sick stater man ^oincare, is awaiting anxiously the final bulletins from the bedside of its greet soldier. One by one the great heroes of the World ,'ar are passing. Foch has gone, Clemenceau has gone. Earl Haig of Britain has gone, Diax and Cadoma of Italy are gone. And on the .rerman 1 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 vJQEE8£ - 2. side, Admiral von iirpttz has gone. Now, Joseph Jacques Cezare Joffre, Commander of the French Army that held the German onslaught at the Marne, ^Papa JoffrevVto the iBOitkoi French poilu, is facing death. 11 T! 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 f' in i I 121.30-5M RUSSIA what do you think? The "boss of Russia has given himself a government joo. For the last 7 years Josenh Stalin, the dictator of Soviet Russia, hr s been running the country without any official job, merely the head of the all - powerful Communist aerty -- a good deal the way some of our oolitical bosses of our country have run cities or states while somebody else was mayor or governor. Now, Stalin is so completely master of Rus1ia that he’s willing to take a little job in one of the complicated groun of committees that administer the affairs of government in Russia. telUQ GUY 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 1 18 3 19 20 21 22 23 24 Page. a rather disquieting bit of news cohies from across the mexican border* an International hews o e r v i c e dispatch reports that an army of 26,000 troops was being iasti Iy mobilized through Lexico today to become available at midnight tonight as a guard for all railway lines and round-houses in the principal terminals in case a threatened general rail v/qy strike becomes a reality. Officials of the national railways denied that a general strike was probable. But the government Ts action in affecting the nost rapid mobilization ever undertaken by a Mexican army indicated that it Would take no chances of possible danger Lto the railroad lines or rolling stock. i ssat i sf act i on with both the pay ana w o r k i n g co nditions was given as The cause of the apitat ion for a general ra i Iway str ike. I 1 : j i 1 ; I I :El 1 II 25 Page 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 1 TSiere is a lull in politics in our own country as Congress has gone home for c h e holidays and official Washington gives itself up to social affairs. The big noise just now is caused by the far-reaching echoes of that statement of fvir. Lucas, executive director of the Republican National Committee, reading Senator Norris of Nebraska out of the party. You know Professor John Uewey, the famous phi I osopher ,ana head of the League for Independent Political Action, wrote the Senator a letter asking him to be the presidential candidate of an independent liberal third party. To da y1s is papers report how Senator Norris to Id 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 the newspaper men in Washington that he couldn!t do that, that it wouldn't be practical, and that any independent candidacy would be impractical as long as presidents are elected by the present electoral college system. But the effect of all this on the Republican and 0 e mo c r a tic prospects in I 9 3 B is b ein g actively discussed by the Wash i n gt on I ; 12-1-30' 5M [ Page. HQRS1& - 2. correspondents and the newspaper editors all over the oountry-~and all this discussion is something we uigest editors are watching and studying most careful 1y. 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 12-1-30 5M 5 6 ry 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 i6; 17 j xa I 19 20 21 22 23 24 Page_________ I always like to read t ho s e stories about expljrers who wander into a lost valley or drop through a hole into the center of the earth and find all kinds of queer tasiB prehistoric animals. Remember how Conan Doyle and H. G. Wells used to write them! Maybe here!s a true story of the kind. It comes from Australia by way of the Associated Press, It seems that a distinguished zoologist in a lecture in Brisbane said that there was plenty of proof that back in a woods of Queensland there was a huge cat-like marsupia I--you know a marsupial is a kind of animal that carries its young ones around in a pouch or pocket like a kangaroo. And the interesting part is that this marsupial, accordinn to the professor, has a scripeu stomach and most fearsome appearance, -J hat a chance for some circus! And while weTre about it, I canTt help thinking there are some more mysteries that may be solved by tne expedition th a t sailed Iasi: night to L h e 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 i 23 24 25 5M EXELOliilimi - 2. Page Iv.atto Grosso region of the Brazilian jungies--the country that President Theodore Roosevelt explored on his famous River of Doubt expedition. This expedition is going to take moving pictures and it's going to Bring back all kinds of animal life, armadillos, anacondas, and rare birds. And they may even find that mysterious lost tribe of I ndi ans that explorers have heard of and sought for in vain. One of the things they are looking for and want to bring back samples of, so the New York papers tell us, is the famous cannibal fish piranha. I'll spetI it for you: p-i-r-a-n-h-a. They are amaI I fishes but they travel in great numbers. anybody who falls into one of those Matto Grosso rivers is likely to be devoured — eaten to the bone- —by these terrible fish in just a few minutes. Maybo oornc of thcoo fioh could bo usod _tooting —i no toad o-f tho machine -that tii is -e ynp i rtg i a New York Te4 ear am. —aoet.is—t hat—over - i n London ; I I * H ■ *te4 \ a—ttteo-ui ANNAPOLIS Ihere o a middy down at Annapolis that won’t get into o;ie Navy, cut that boy is not going to have any trouble succeeding in liie. He’s going to be another Edison or xxica'xsx nerhaps a ;hole General Electric Company of his own. He was fired from the Naval Academy because he had been rigging ur> electric wires all over his dormitory, with which he stor-ned elevators between floors, dinnned the lights, interfered with the telephoning. A little detective work on the part of the authorities disclosed an electric clock in this boy’s room. Then a system of wires running all over the building. The dispatches from Annapolis which tell the story, don’t the boy’s name. But he’s going to be famous one oj . these days, and don’t you forget it. I see the United Press correspondent says the boy is planning to take the Examination for West moint m the Snring. Kaybe he figures they want electricians in the Army, even if they don’t in the Navy. 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 1 16 17 18 19 £lNSlLlIi Page. IV hen I looked at the New York Telegram tonight I saw pictured the familiar face of William J. Guard, and there was a story about him. You know. Guard has been the press agent for the kietropo I i tan Opera House for 20 years. And what he doesn!t know about musical and theatrical people nobody does. The writer in the Telegram calls him “New Yorkfs lajst true Bohemian11. He and I ujt have^one thing in common. We are both K.ethodist minister’s sons. The Latest story about Guard is that when tinstein was taken to 4ee the opera ax the [vietropo I i tan he visited Guard's office. and Guard produced a i ill f II 111 in it ' ! u\ I I , 20 j 21 22j 23 j 24 j 25; scrap of paper* On the paper was written GuardT s definition of relativity. He was rather proud of it and I don!t wonder# It was this: “There is no hitching post in the universe.11 This was shown and translated and explained to the famous philosopher and mathematician. ^fter a momen't deliberation he took the pen offered him hi ; ; 12130 SM 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 ElMSIEiH 2 . Page. and wrote down under Guardrs definition: u Ge I esen und richtig besunden.11 That is, "Read and found correct." And he signed hir name "Albert Einstein". BaoaBiXBunDiitatp, And the scrap of paper is now the most priceless souvenir in Guard's marvelous collection of mementoes. This, by the way, is only one of the stories told in a collection of stories about uinstein in this week's , . , „. now selling og, the newsstands. Literary Digesx7 ana on snoxher page is a cartoon showing Uncle Sam leaping from a great heap of perplexing problems to welcome albert Einstein. As the Digest headline writer puts it: "We may not 'get' relativity, but we like cinstein . " 20 21 22 23 24 25 Ji: f II Si 1 IZ-l-30 5M &ZAUI1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 Lverybody thatTs heard me over the air knows I have a weakness for poetry, "My only books are women’s looks.n That line flashed into my mind when I saw a story in tonight’s New York Telegram, dome bo dy from the Telegram has been around talking to the beauty experts. They’ve been studying women’s faces. Certainly ■ nobody has been studying them any more closely. They certainly ought to qualify as authorities. So the Telegram reporter asked a number of them whether women’s 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 211 22 ' 23 1 24 25 faces have changed any in the last 10 years. "Well," said one of the beauty experts, "even a man from f.'iars could tell the girls of 1931 from the typical woman of 10 years ago What do you think about that? How have they changed, then, you mav ask. How, remember, I*m Quoting the Telegram, and I don't want anybody to hold me responsible for this. Here is the change as summed up from the reports of th 0 s g cosmetic ma.g i c i &ns . nThe woman of today has a mouth nearly twice as large as she had 10 years 12-1-30—5M 1 ££AUII - 2. Page. ago; her jaw has advanced to a more 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 belligerent angle and become square; her eyes are brighxer and she has dieted until her cheeks are never plump.11 And we learn even more. In general, they tell us, women are using less rouge and more lipstick and they are emphasizing their eyes and their mouth. ^nd this is about as far as a mere man can venture to go on with this delightful but rather delicate and dangerous topic. 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 \ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 141 “ 16 17 isj 19 20 21 22 23 24 | 251 I j: 5M j S1B.QS ‘ ' Page--------- I I have a lot of friends who are bird lovers. HereTs a little story especially for them. How many birds spent their Christmas in New York? No, I d on T t mean jailbirds. navv - t-^tny^f rds-,—. Say, speaking of biros, do you remember how Sothern played, "Lord Dundreary" and how he quoted the proverb- "Birds of a feather flock together. "Birds of & feather!" "How silly! How could a whole lot of birds have just 20§. feather? And then, even if every bird had just one feather — why he!d fly all on one side, and that wouIdn T t do at a I 1 .^ "Birds of a feather flock together. Now that's silly, too! Why, of course, they flock together. .fhy, who ever heard of one bird going off in c. corner to flock all by hirase If--why, the whole [ I ■* [ thing is silly! Dear old Dundreary! But back to my birds. tw h ei f I wanted to ask, was, how many Kinds, of K i: Bie.aa 2 . Page. birds spent iih6ir vviniiGr in N gw York* well, guess again! The New ^ork Sun today tells about a bird census that was taken just before Christmas for the publication called Bird Lore. The bird investigators found exactly 108 different kinds of birds in New York! Of course there were wrens (so many varieties!)# of wrens!), and sparrows, ducks, robins, chickadees, woodpeckers. But there were also rarer birds--hermit thrushes, Maryland ye I Iow~throats, bitterns, and the great bald eagle. By the way, I have a pair of eagles for neighbors near me out where I live on the Palisades. 16 'V.nd I can believe all those birds were here, for on Christmas Day I was walking out in the woods near Plainfield, New Ma Jersey, ZG miles from New York City, and as we walked over the snow we saw overhead a great flock of birds-- thousands and thousands of i.h em , I never sav/ so many together — circling and wheeling, rustling through the trees, lighting, and moving off again, going 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 j 15 '| 17 18 19 20 21 24 25 12'l-30 SM 1 fiisas - a. Page, 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 through all sorts of formations like an enormous airplane army. And as they sailed overhead the soft, pulsating whirring of the mu 11ifludinous little wings--it was an altogether new sound to me, mysterious and strange, qjore than earth I y--’11 i ke the bresh of angels' wings." 9 10 11 12 13 l*i 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 i 25 ICE ■1 e 1 e ” one. I mec-n it’s a cold one. They’re ini'' orting ice from the tropics to the north. That’s no joke. The ^.sroci:' ted -resr tells todoy about how they've been ooerating an oil well do.vn at Tampico, Ilexico, that rreduces cerbon dioxide gas in great quantities. Nov/, they have e factory right there on the snot that solidifies the gas into sub-zero ice -- 40,000 rounds of it a d» y. And k they're going to bring this ice to the United States anc selllit. ''?het next? Sneaking of ice there were a hundred reo le, men and boys fishing on the ’ce in Sandusky 3ay this afternoon. A three acre sheet of Ice broke away with them. Jell, herefs a solution for the divorce rroblem. It * s only a jingling bit of verse by someone who signs herself Angela Cypher, and it’s reprinted from. The Hew Yorker on the Digest’s nodular ooetry rage in this week’s issue. It’s called TOO ! UCT-' TfI,K. Humph. hey be that tell? the whole' story, but any-/a y here goes the no era: Too m.uch trivial Conversation Stolls the marital Belatioxi. All the greatest Vamp? of history Specialized In c herm and mystery. If your wedded Life is seamy, Strive to look Aloof ®nd dreamy. If you have A sense of humor Let it seem 'tinfo und ed rumo r. .Solemn, men Would nay g^d monry. If their wives ..ere never fun y; FQ£iu 2 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 | 17 18 19j 20 21 22 23 Page_ Nervous men irfould be more placid If their wives Were never acid; StoI id men Might grow ecstatic If their wives Were less dramatic. Silence is A point to score on. Too much talk Betrays the moron. 24 END When I was a small child, the family used to gather for rrayer every Saturday night. And there was one hymn we ys .c&ng - my mother ano father, we four boys, end any stranger who was within our gates -- "Safely through another week, God has brought us on our way." Arid so 1 feel this Saturday evening. After all, we as xtk a nation have been brought safely through another week. I.:aybe this 1930 Christmas has meant more to us than for many a year. After all, Christmas is a thing of the spirit and not a . rasm of holiday shotting, or an estimate of the volume of holiday trade. v;e are meetinr in s n tion vide camnaign to hel- those most sorely stricken by recent reverses. From the helnful mood of Christmas we turn to the hopeful mood of New Years. T ho^e Lowell Thomas is enjoying his belated Christines holiday. It’e been a greet -leesure to talk with my neighbors egnin, I ensure y^u, yet I shell find it a still greeter rleasure to be with you on the big front norch Kondey night when Lowell iho ee runs u? the sters with his budget of news. And so — good night.