Super Bowl's Left Shark leaves
Right Shark out to dry
A&E
Page 10
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Narils1
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Filnes1 News Sourc
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Marist's most eligible bachelor:
Charlie the Groundhog
FEATURES
Page4
YOlU.ME 69, ISSUE 12
FOUNDED IN 1965
Thursday, April 2, 2015
DJM for President: One nation under Dennis
BY KINLIN O'BRIEN
Circle Contributor
I remember this day all too fond-
ly, as I would think many Marist
students do. It was just like any old
Saturday morning: disheveled. But
the news that was about to break
was something that the Marist
community was not ready for.
I took
to checking my Foxmail (the
old version, RIP), signed in, waited
ten minutes for it
to load and had
a few miscellaneous emails. This
is when things took a turn for the
worse. There was an email that
was informing all the students that
President Dennis Murray, or more
commpnly known by his street
name, DJM, would be stepping
down as president. Pandemonium.
Social media outlets such as Twit-
ter and Instagram were filled with
endearing comments for Dennis
and selfies of students with our ''hip
and cool" president. To quote Are-
tha Franklin's "R-E-S-P-E-C-T," all
we have for our president is respect.
When one thinks about a good
president we think about classics
like Abraham Lincoln, John F.
Kennedy and Ronald Regan just
to name a few, shouldn't President
Murray be amongst them? Well, he
might be. President Murray has re-
leased the information that the rea-
son he will be stepping down is due
to the fact he will be running for
the
2016 presidential election. His
running mate will be the popular
Director of Safety
& Security John
Gildard. The College is very excited
about this campaign and hopes to
see the same enthusiasm from the
students. President Murray feels
that Mr. Gildard is a solid choice as
a running mate because of the stu-
dent body's recent increase in affec-
tion for him due to this semester's
snow days. Hopefully, John Gildard
has secured the votes of the students
who have Monday night classes
.
He
has been quoted saying, "There is
more where that comes from
if Mur-
ray and Gildard are put into office."
The Circle has yet to have a com-
PHOTO COURTESY OF THE POUGHKEEPSIE JOURNAL
DJM discusses the implementation of his new "No Gum Allowed" rule. Murray is
also concerned with groundhog immigration and border infringements.
plete interview with the President,
but we have had a few conversa-
tions with his people. His ideas for
this country include changing the
national animal from the bald ea-
gle to the red fox. His people say
that President Murray has spent
an awful lot of time with red foxes
and finds them to be loyal; but with
a little sass and flair. He feels that
those qualities really embody the
American spirit. Murray loves the
color red and since that is an im-
portant color to the country and to
Marist, he admits to owning a large
amount of red ties and accessories
so he will always be adequately
dressed in patriotic colors during
meetings. I know I shouldn't share
my opinion as a journalist, but he
seems like the perfect guy to lead
our nation in the right direction.
Murray's campaign manager is
nervous that the amount of time it
took to finish the Marist Rotunda
will have a negative effect on the
polls. After talking to Vice Presi-
dent hopeful, John Gildard, he said,
SEE "HE•, PAGE 3
Florence campus shuts down for good
BY ERIN MURTHA
Circle Contributor
to those last lucky students study-
ing in Italy. They ·were unable to
receive the news via Foxmail from
professors due to the fact that they
Instagram feeds have been un-
havenotattendedaclasssinceland-
usually bare. Marist students are ing in Italy over two months ago.
unusually somber. The second floor
When asked how she felt about
of Hancock is unusually quiet and the closing of Lorenzo D'Medici, one
depress~d.
AB
of yesterday'. Marist/student claimed that she wasn't
has decided
to shut do~n
1~s
Flo/' aware there was actually a Marist
ence campus, and MarISt s ~ t s campus in Florence and she was
are not taking kindly to ~he-news. "just there for the wine." Other stu-
This announcement hit the Pough-
dents who did have some aware-
keepsie campus yesterday in a state-
ment released by President Dennis
J. Murray. He said, "After months
of deliberation., my team and I have
decided that being drunk in every
country in Europe is, in fact, not
cultural immersion. Wine tasting
class is not equivalent to
Art His-
tory 300, either." This comes as a
shock to students who were sure
that gallivanting for a semester
around Europe was an academical-
ly rigorous experience that should
be fully recognized and appreciated.
The news soon traveled via Viber
ness of their academic responsi-
bility, however, were
·
devastated.
In protest, Florence students
have
completely
cut off the out-
side world. There is no evidence
of their existence on social media,
which means something is se-
verely wrong. Marist Security has
launched an investigation and be-
lieves that students have been hid-
ing inside of the Leaning Tower of
Pisa overindulging in flatbreads
and Nutella to numb the pain.
The reason for shutting_ down the
SEE "FLORENCE,w PAGE 3
PHOTO COURTESY OF MARIST.EDU
The Marist community will be suffering the loss of their Florence campus, which
means no more wining and dining in the Tuscan sun.






































Thursday, April 2, 2015
THIS WEEK
Tuesday, 4/7
Room Selection Group Leader
Meeting
4:45
p.m. -
6:15
p.m.
Nelly Golettle Theatre
Tuesday, 4/7
Hunter Lovins Lecture
7:00 p.m.
SC3104
Wednesday 4/8
2015 Comunications
&
Media
Studies Alumni-Student Network
ing Night
New York City
Wednesday 4/8
Exolorlng Majors
&
Careers
Workshop
MU 3204
Thursday 4/9
Room Selection Group Leader
Meeting
4:45 - 6:15
p.m.
Nelly Goletti Theatre
Friday4/10
Mid-Hudson Regional Business
Plan Competition
8:00 a.m.
SC Third Floor
Friday4/10
SPC Movie: The Hobbit: The
Battle of the
Five
Armies
6:00
&
10:00
p.m.
SC3101
Saturday, 4/ 11
SPC Movie: The Hobbit: The
Battle of the Five Armies
6:00
&
10:00
p.m.
SC3101
Campus
www.maristcircle.com
Letter from the Editor
It's
the
most wonderful
time
t>f
the year:
it's the Circle's semi-an-
nual Onion edition!
In
the spirit of
April Fool's
Day, every article in
this edition
is
satirical (with
the ex-
ception of
Ht
·unt ' briefs; yes,
that
all · ·
ually
happened).
In
other
words, none of these articles should
b
taken seriously.
Please don't
go
home
and
teU
yo-ur
mom that
Pres•
ident Murray
is
ruru1ing for
Presi-
deit-0f the United States.
On a serious
note.
ru:i
a second
semester
senior, this will be
my
last issue as editor•in-chief as I
(terrifyingly) prepare to enter the
real world (and not because I am a
kleptomaniac, which you
can read
about
in
Features
this
week).
I
feel
honored
to
ha\re
been able to
serve
as the editor-in-chie_f for this aca-
-
demic
year
and I
want to
thank the
amazing
editorial staff of editors
and
writers
i:'ve
been able
to
serve
with. I
also
want to
thank
the
facul-
ty
advisors Pve worked with, Prof.
Gerry
McNulty
and
Prof. Rogers,
for all
of
their
help. An,d finally, I
need to otl'e:t a HUGE thank you
to
our co-managing editors
Am•
her and Katie for essentially being
my
co-editors-in-chief and dealing
with
me throughout our many,
Page2
er. You
are both
fantastic and I am
'
·so
grateful to have had the chance
.
to work with
you both!
Amber,
1
y.ou are going to
be
a stellar edi-
i
tor-in-chief
and I can't
wait to see
all
you'
going to do with the paper.
With
that, I would also like to
thank
all
of you, our readers, for
always sticking with
us and
mak-
ing
this an experience I will al-
ways be
grateful for.
Enjoy our;
Onion edition and happy reading!
-Michelle Costello
Editor-in-Chief
ollege: F
-
ires, bat
--'--
h
-
ro
_
o
_
m
-
naps and Pokemon cards
BY GILLIAN FOSS
Staff Writer
so out of anywhere else, she chose
The entry-desk officer at Midrise
to
lie down on the bathroom floor
Hall checked a student's bag Thurs- and then fell asleep
.
President Mur-
March is a unique month for the day night and found a liter of Crystal ray is reportedly delighted by this
Marist community because, l~t's Palace, which was then confiscated. insight and plans are currently in
face it - it's split into two categones: Rumor has it that the student in motion to remove all of the perfoct-
pre-Spring Break and post-Spring question will be facing the severest of ly comfortable chairs and couches
Break. Stressed, broke, vitamin punishments from the college - not from the. numerous Champ lounges
D-deprived students find themselves because of the attempt to smuggle al- and use them instead to furnish the
in all sorts of sketchy, rule-bend- cohol
into
the dorm, but because they new science building, since the bath-
ing scenarios for the first part of the chose
to
smuggle in something as room floor is obviously preferable.
month , only
to
get a weeklong break horrifyingly awful as Crystal Palace.
in order to come back and break
3/28 8:20 p.m. Champagnat Hall
rules as stressed, broke,
tan stu-
dents who probably should've avoid-
3/23 7:20 p.m. Donnelly
ed drinking the water in Cancun.
S~urity was called to investigate
Don't fret, though; even though it a potential theft Monday night when
seems as
if
we may be getting a few an incredibly confused student re-
freak blizzards here and there un- ported the driver's side window
til July, warmer weather seems missing from his Dodge van. At the
near! Then everybody can move scene of the "crime", nothing else was
their shenanigans outdoors.
A13
al- missing, and there was no damage
to
ways, John Gildard asks every- the vehicle ... and, as it turns out, the
one
to
stay safe and remember:
if
window was never actually missing.
you see something, say something. It had gotten loose and fallen into
the window shaft of the car, and had
3/11 12:15 a.m. Cham.pagnat Hall
to
be subsequently pried out. Accord-
ing to the security guard on duty, it's
Want to make a ton of friends during these types of heart-pounding, excit-
your freshman year at Marist? Her~'s ing incidents that keep
him
young.
a tip: when making popcorn past mid-
night on a Wednesday, try
to
make 3/29 12:15 a.m. Champagnat Hall
sure that it doesn't catch on fire,
resulting in the evacuation of nine
floors' worth of infuriated students
into the cold March air. Actually,
that's it. That's the only tip I have.
3/26
6: 15
p.m. Midrise Hall
A
female was discovered passed out
on the floor in the ninth floor Champ
bathroom Sunday night by securi-
ty. She allegedly claimed that she
had locked herself out of her room
and couldn't reach her roommate,
A visitor's bag was checked at the
Champ entry desk, although there's
still a bunch of mystery
·
surrounding
why the guard on duty suspected
this particular guest of smuggling
anything illegal into the dorms. I
mean, all they confiscated were 24
12-oz cans of Bud Light, a full liter
of Seagrams and a full liter of rasp-
berry Svedka. I'm sure the bag that
fit it all looked totally subtle, too.
3/13, 3/22, 3/25 Donnelly
Marist Security is reportedly joy-
ous as their ever-growing collection
of fake ID's reaches record-break-
ing numbers. Just this month, taxi
drivers have returned wallets filled
with fake licenses from Connecti-
cut, Rhode Island and New Jersey_.,
simultaneously ruining the night
-
life plans for underage students and
providing Marist security with the
biggest collection of valuable cards
since Pokemon cards were relevant
.
The Circle
Features
Editor:
Shannon B;des
circlefeatures@gmail.com
Copy
Chief:
Natalie Zaleski
Natalie.Zaleskil@marist.edu
Faculty Advisor: Ryan
Rogers
Ryan.Rogers@marist.edu
The Student Newspaper
of
Marist
College
Editor-in-Chief:
Michelle Costello
Michelle.
Costello l@marist.edu
Managing Editors:
Amber
Case.
Kathleen O'Brien
Amber.Casel@marut.edu, Kathleen.
Obrien2@marist.edu
News Editors:
Cathryn
V~o.
Bernadette Hogan
ctrcknews@gtnatLtom
Lifestyles Editor:
Shannon Donohue
Copy Editors: Caroline Withers
cirdelifestyles@gmaiLcom
Ad Manager:
Nicole Souza
circleadvertising@gmail.com
Opinion Editor:
Adriana Belmonte
circleopinion@gmail.com
A
&
E
Edftor:
John Mosho
circkae@gmaiico"!
Sports
Editors:
Avery Decker.
Mike
Wall•ce
circle ;p<>rt ®gmail. com
Web:
www.maristcircle.com
Staff
Writers:
Mike Bracco, Sophia
www.twitter.oom/maristcitcle
Branna, Gillian
Foss,
Gabriella
Gamba, Ben Hayes, Dan McFadden,
.
th .
cl
aiL
Malllka Rao
General:
wnte ear e@gm. com





















www.maristcircle.com
The Circle
♦
Thursday, April 3, 2015
♦
Page3
DJM's
next venture: President of the USA
Fr
om page one
he strives for perfection. He will
have four years as president of
The United States, imagine how
many rotundas he could build in
that time!" This comment actual-
ly started a commotion on twitter;
an account tweeted "In four years,
Murray could probably finish one
and a half Rotundas ... maybe,''
and to further twist the sword,
the popular Twitter account "Is
the Rotunda done yet?" has yet
to
tweet ''Yes." Murray reassured
the public that the Rotunda will
be done by late fall in 2016--he
is just waiting for the hand sewn
flags
to
be finished and hung up.
The campaign has a lot of prom-
ise and regardless of the outcome
the Marist community will always
adore President Murray. As for
John Gildard, the results really
weigh on his reputation, so I would
suggest keep it coming with those
PHOTO COURTESY OF WIKIPEDIA
Dennis Murray adores red foxes, the
animal that is. His undying adoration
for the country will make him a great
president, plus he already has ample
experience. Foxes for everyone! No re-
ally, pet foxes for all. We wish him the
best of luck in the coming election.
snow days to keep the popularity up.
Good luck
to
the Murray Gildard
campaign. You served Marist well
and will serve the USA even better.
Goodbye to Florence whining and dining
From page
.
one
Florence campus is most likely
due
to
lack of funding. With his re-
tirement looming, President DJM
wanted to make a lasting impact on
the students of the college. While
sending hundreds of students into
a depression wasn't in his initial
intention, DJM plans
to
make up
for it by spending the new fund-
ing on things that are integral
to Marist's academic standing.
In 2016, Marist's grass is expect-
ed
to
be even greener, buildings that
don't need renovation will be com-
pletely knocked down and rebuilt,
and he also plans
to
add an addi-
tional 50-100 squirrels and hedge-
hogs
to
Marist's abundant wild-
life. In order to mend some of the
wounds he's created with students,
DJM will be donating money to both
Darby O'Gills and Union Tavern
to place images of Europe around
the bar. He says it's ''basically the
same thing as studying abroad."
Marist is offering counseling
for those affected by the loss of
this cultural experience.
If
any-
one hears from any of the current
students studying abroad, they
are asked to contact John Gildard.
Renovations forever, or good and
BY DAN MCFADDEN
Staff Writer
As
you may well be aware, Marist
recently completed its fundraising
campaign
·
to add to the campus's
academic and residential buildings.
The campaign, which has raised
nearly 100 billion dollars, has aid-
ed in funding the construction of
some new and exciting facilities
here on campus, such as the Han-
cock Center, the Music Center,
and the renovation of the Rotunda.
''The Rotunda renovation will
pretty much run forever," Marist
officials were commented,''We've
had a lot of fun working on the
project, and we think we're just
gonna keep it going," they said.
To which the Foreman on the job
added, ''To the break of dawn, yo!"
But the fun does not stop
there. Future architectural plans
are already underway on cam-
pus, and can be seen in prog-
ress throughout campus, even
if
their purpose is a bit unclear.
For example,
if
you've walked
towards upperclassmen housing re-
cently you've probably spotted the
gray-stone wall pieces on top a hill
near Beck parking lot. When reached
for comment on the function these
pieces serve, Marist officials said,
"Because, we thought, 'why not?"'
.
These officials further explained,
ed that these pieces would create res~dential building located on the
the illusion that you might be in- western side of campus, just for cats.
side, while you're actually outside
.
''We have a lot of wild cats on
I don't know, it was late, I think campus, we figured they deserved
we were pretty gone at that point." a place for some R&R," Marist
Some new projects serve a clear- officials said. This "cat hotel"
er purpose however, such as the will include scratching posts, a
new, state of the art academic sci- bird pavilion, and of course elec-
ence building, which will revamp tronic swipe entrance to ensure
the college's nursing program only authorized cats can get in.
and can already be seen under
''These new projects are innovative
construction near Lower Fulton. and exciting," said a representative
Other projects to look out for in from the Marist public affairs office,
upcoming semesters include, but
are not limited to: a new wing in the
Steel Plant building, dedicated sole-
ly to the art of glassforming; a Chi-
potle restaurant in place of the Fon-
''If
our students enjoy using them
half as much as we've had build-
ing them, it'll have been worth it."
''During a board meeting we decid-
taine Annex; and a new, two-story
Stayin' alive: zombies shuffle onto campus
BY DYLAN GORDON
Circle Contributor
Get your baseball bats and ham-
mers ready. It looks like the zombie
apocalypse may be coming our way
sooner than we may think. Its been
rumored that the Hudson River
State Hospital across Route 9 from
may have Marist science students
performing experiments on cadav-
ers on the hospital's morgue wing.
The students have supposedly
been experimenting on the brain in
an attempt to find out how to further
prolong the life of those who are liv-
ing. The problem is that many peo-
ple attending the hospital have de-
scribed hearing muffled groans and
the sound of shambling coming from
the floor below the regular hospital
areas. One Poughkeepsie resident
even described seeing what she de-
scribed as a zombie, and not the col-
lege student suffering from a hor-
rible hangover. Marist officials are
nervous that the so-called zombies
could prove to be a huge problem for
the safety of the Marist community.
With so many students watching
the hit television series "The Walk-
ing Dead" the zombie craze is taking
over. John Gildard informed us how
he has confiscated over 50 weapons
varying from baseball bats and a thing of fiction, and they are real.
similar blunt objects, to sharp tools
If
the proper experiment is done on
like machetes and axes. Students the brain, life could be reestablished,
have also been stockpiling massive
amounts of food in their homes and
dorm rooms. One freshman girl in
Champ was angry at the apparent
overreaction to the rumors, "All
these people are over reacting way
too
much. There's no such thing as
zombies. Everyone knows that."
Now the real question about this
rumor is, are the zombies actually
real? We asked science expert Neil
deGrasse Tyson, a renowned astro-
physicist,
if
these zombies could ac-
tually be real. "Zombies are not just
though with a side effect of hunger
for brains," deGrasse Tyson
_
said.
A recent explosion at the Hudson
River State Hospital has Marist in-
creasingly concerned and even more
unconfirmed rumors have gone
around with news of actual zombies
finding their way out of the hospi-
tal and shuffling their way into the
Poughkeepsie area. One can hope
that people will realize the danger
we may be in before this plague
begins to spread. We will keep you
posted
if
civilization holds out.















Features
Thursday, April 2, 2015
www.maristcircle.com
Page4
Groundhog Charlie is single and ready to mingle
BY MICHELLE COSTELLO
Editor-in-Chief
As
spring in Poughkeepsie ap-
proaches, many students are look-
ing forw~d to seeing the friendly,
round faces of the groundhogs that
make their home on the Marist
campus. However, what students
might not know is that all of the
groundhogs on campus belong to
one family, the Chucks. I chased
down the family patriarch, Charlie,
and got the inside scoop on the se-
cret life of our beloved groundhogs.
Charlie welcomed me into the fam-
ily's main hub, located underneath
the rocks behind the Hancock Cen-
ter. The Chuck abode was surpris-
ingly spacey and posh, complete
with a fireplace and handcrafted
wood furniture. Framed photos of
the family hung over the fireplace
and covered the walls. After pour-
ing himself a glass of brandy, Char-
lie began telling me everything he
wanted students to know.
''First of all, stop trying to pick us
up," Charlie started, sounding agi-
tated. "We aren't strutting around
campus for your entertainment.
Most of the time we're on our way
to work or running errands and
when we have to run away from the
grabby students, it really sets us
back. Plus, your hands are always
clammy."
Though he was apprehensive
about being picked up by students,
Charlie said the family is enjoying
the recent phenomenon of students
taking selfies with the groundhogs.
''Take all the pictures you want!"
Charlie laughed between sips of
his
drink.
"We Chucks are the best
looking groundhogs this side of the
Hudson Valley."
Shockingly, Charlie ,revealed he
and the rest of the groundhogs ac-
tually get to see most of the photos,
as they are very active on lnsta-
gram.
'We see most of the photos, but
I'll only throw you a like
if
you get
my good side," Charlie added while
scrolling through his feed on his iP-
hone.
Charlie also commented on why
the groundhogs are usually seen
alone.
"Hibernation is a rough season
for the Chucks," Charlie said as
he looked up at the family portrait
above the fireplace. ''We spend so
much time together in the winter
that once it starts to warm up, the
kids like to do their own thing. You
guys don't get to see it as much
but by summer, we're all on great
terms. In fact, we often have fam-
ily barbecues on campus when the
students are all gone. You guys ar-
en't the only ones who enjoy Marist
Beach."
Charlie's frank nature got a little
ruffled when asked about the sta-
tus of Mrs.Chuck.
"Sheila and I got divorced a few
years back," Charlie said with a
sigh.
Sheila was seen hanging around
with one of the cats behind Midrise
Hall five years ago - the tw.o ran off
together, leaving Charlie alone to
raise their 42 children.
''It's been a little rough sometimes,
but the kids all pitch in around the
house, and they're great," he clari-
fied. "I do it all for them."
The single dad said he is looking
to start dating again soon, and ad-
mitted that he doesn't discriminate
by species.
"I'm definitely looking to date a
Marist girl," Charlie said, adding a
wink. "As a lifelong resident of this
campus, I know the most roman-
tic spots for a date. I might not
be
able to take you out to a
.
restaurant
- tried that once and got Pest Con-
trol called on me ... it's still a sore
subject - but I'm a great cook, and
a good listener."
Charlie says that any interest-
ed Marist ladies should feel free to
approach him on campus, as he is
"very friendly." He also said you
can "slide into his DMs" on Insta-
gram at @CharlieGroundhog.
Editor-in-chief's sad life as a kleptomaniac hoarder
BY KATHLEEN O'BRIEN
&
AMBER CASE
Co-Managing Editors
"I saw it sitting there, waiting
and I just had to take it," Circle ed-
itor-in-chief Michelle Costello said
in her official statement. ''It just
spoke to me, calling me to take it
home - just like a poor defenseless
animal."
After a night behind bars, Costel-
lo still holds fast to her belief in
the appropriateness of her actions.
The scandal broke the other night
after a thorough search of her
Lower Fulton Townhouse room
revealed not just a copious amount
of alcohol but an eclectic mix of
stolen items, resulting in Costello's
confession to being a kleptomaniac
hoarder.
Among the stolen items are an
entire order of Circle newspapers,
three boxes of Admissions pens,
15 pints of Ben
&
Jerry's, napkin
dispensers, five tickets to the ''Lion
King'' and, most importantly, a
piece of the giant head pulled from
the Hudson in Spring 2013. Keep
in mind these are just a few of the
items, but space and discretion
prevents us from completing the
list.
Costello has been released on
bail and is currently finishing her
senior year with her court date still
to be determined, but her position
on the Circle has been terminated
MUGSHOT COURTESY OF MARIST SECURITY
Costello boasts after "acquiringn a piece of the mysterious giant head, the
prize posession in her twisted collection of stolen goods.
as well as her post in the Student
Activities office.
"I'm just so disappointed in Mi-
chelle's behavior," sai~ Director of
Student Activities Bob Lynch. "She
always seemed so sweet, but it's
always the quiet ones that are the
most deadly."
Like a silent fart, Costello was
able to move in and out of offices,
swiping materials and leaving
only a foul odor of distaste in the
room and the people wronged in
her wake. Most horrific to Lynch
was the dishonesty and lack of
integrity which Costello displayed,
something required of all Marist
student workers especially those in
Student Activities.
"Costello's behavior is not rep-
resentative of the typical Student
Activities workers who are pillars
of this campus for honor and righ-
teousness," Lynch added.
Although Costello is still under
investigation, she sat down with
her now former Circle colleagues
for an exclusive interview with us
into her dark and troubled life.
''I never thought of stealing
until I came to Marist and as
alone my freshman year by the
river I noticed a groundhog a few
yards away," Costello explained.
"He didn't see me watching, so
he freely went about his business
collecting twigs and berries on the
ground.
It
was a simple action but
it connected him with the earth .. .it
was just so natural, so that's why I
started
.
"
As
a very shy freshman unsure of
how to gain friends, she furnished
her wardrobe with random items
picked up here and there. Costel-
lo was sure that Fashionology
wouldn't notice a few items miss-
ing nor would the athletic depart-
ment mind
if
used, sweaty towels
were taken or
if
a couple T-shirts
and sweatshirts were removed
from the racks.
''I wanted to give them a loving
home ... they are all a part of me,"
Costello added.
The downfall, though, is that
once she started, it was impossible
to stop. Despite friends who accept-
ed her without the added flair, she
couldn't resist the need to belong
to the world around her. She was a
girl obsessed with no way out.
Former Circle advisor Gerry
McNulty began to notice Costello's
queer behavior, particuhtrly her
evasiveness and constant surveil-
lance of his office.
"Every time she came to meet
with me about the paper, I could
see her staring at my coffee mug,"
McNulty said. ''I was always a
little disconcerted by her intensity
and the eagerness in her eyes. Af-
ter a few weeks into the semester,
I couldn't handle it anymore so I
stepped down."
SEE "PERHAPS", PAGE 9






















www.maristcircle.com
The Circle
♦
Thursday, April 2, 2015
♦
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Lifestyles
Thursday, April 2, 2015
www.maristcircle.com
Page6
Get healthy with the new all-carb diet
BY GABRIELLA GAMBA
Staff Writer
In this day and age, people ev-
erywhere obsess over the impor-
tance of having a healthy diet. So,
let's talk about greens. Everyone
knows that when you're trying to
shed a few pounds, the best thing
to do is to take anything green
and leafy out of your diet and add
in everything white and starchy.
If you're looking to stay in shape
and continue your hardcore spring
break diet, be sure to implement the
latest food trend, the al).-carbohy-
drate and dessert diet. All trainers,
fitness gurus and health-nuts these
days are raving about the numer-
ous health benefits of eating strict-
ly bread, potatoes, cake, cookies, ice
cream or anything of that nature.
While this is probably obvious
to most people, some may under-
estimate the importance of eating
as many carbs, starches and des-
serts as possible. Because carbs
and sugar are at the very top of
the food pyramid, we know that
they are the healthiest for us, and
that we should be eating them in
large proportions every
day.
What
we need to watch, however, is any
kind of fruit, vegetable or lean
meat that may contain too many
fats and not enough nutrients.
Our bodies are delicate and can't
handle too much color on a plate.
Carbs and desserts are great for
a few different things, including
aiding in weight loss, providing us
with important vitamins and min-
erals and building strong bones.
If
you want to lose some weight,
PHOTO COURTESY
OF TUMBLR
Remember, for the healthiest diet, stick to carbs! Pizza is an essential, everyday
food.
be sure to make the majority of
each meal contain at least one of
the four Superfoods • bread, po-
tatoes, pizza and pasta. Also, no
matter how full you are, it is best
to find room for a sugary, rich, dec-
adent dessert after dinner. This
general· meal plan has been prov-
en to have ingredients that speed
up metabolism, get the digestive
system going and help lose weight
quickly.
If
you stick
to
this strict
diet, you are guaranteed to lose at
least 10 pounds in the first week.
Another important nutrition fact
about carbohydrates and sugars is
that they contain
all
of the vita-
mins and minerals necessary
to
live
.
a healt~y lifestyle. By adding more
starchy foods
to
your diet, you will
increase your levels of Vitamins A,
C and E, as well as levels oflron, Fo-
late and Potassium. This will help
your skin clear up, your hair and
nails to be long and healthy plus
much more. Within just a few days of
switching to this healthier
lifestyle,
you'll be
-
sure
to
notice significant,
positive differences in your body.
Lastly, carbs and desserts help
to build strong bones, which pre-
vents against diseases like Osteo-
porosis, where bones become brit-
tle and break easily. The levels of
calcium in these foods are so Jrigh
that doctors believe that if you
break a bone, you can help to heal
it by simply eating your weight
in cake and pizza. This is where
the saying, "A pizza a day keeps
the doctor away!" comes from.
By sticking to these gener-
al foods for the majority of your
meals throughout the day, you
are clinically proven to look
and feel healthier, be more en-
ergetic and your performance
at school or work will improve.
If, however, you're really crav-
ing that apple o_r piece of chicken,
remember that it's okay to allow
yourself to cheat every once in a
while. Let yourself have a pi~ce
of broccoli here and there. Eat
an orange for a snack, or a piece
of fish for dinner. Just be con-
scious that these foods may lead
to feelings of weakness, fatigue,
bloating and overall discomfort.
Eat foods like this in moderation.
As
a general rule, stay away
from avocadoes. Avocadoes are full
of bad fats and oils that will make
you gain weight rapidly. Never,
ever eat them as a snack, and nev-
er cook with them as an ingredient.
If
you're thinking about spread-
ing it on your toast for breakfast,
think again. Always go for some-
thing thicker and creamier. Use
butter,
cream cheese or even pea-
nut butter - but never avocadoes.
Hopefully these tips will make
you rethink your diet and motivate
you to eat clean just in time for
summer.
Be
sure to eat as many
carbohydrates as you can with each
meal, and eat your fruits, vegeta-
bles and meats in moderation. Nev-
er, ever skip dessert, and remem-
ber, pizza
is
always your friend.
Proven cures for a rough hangover
BY SHANNON DONOHUE
Lifestyles Editor
spinning, and you head right
for the Advil. But instead of
defaulting to painkillers, here
It's Sunday morning. You are a few surefire ways to
roll over to see that you've cure that hangover in no time.
slept until 2 p.m. and you're 1) Let the light in.
still
-
in your clothes from last
Make sure you turn on all the
night. We've all been there.
-
lights in your room and open the
You sit up, the room· starts curtains as soon as possible. Ex-
PHOTO COURTESY
OF
FLICKR
Follow these tips to cure your morning hangover!
posing yourself to as much light
as possible will wake you up
and allow you to have a positive
outlook on the rest of the day!
Leave those sunglasses at home.
2) Blast your favorite music.
Loud music (I suggest screa-
mo or metal) can distract you
from how much your head hurts.
Head-banging to the music can
actually cure the constant bang-
ing in your head! So grab some
speakers, plug in your Pandora
and blast it as loud as you can.
3) Stay away from food and
water.
Eating and drinking right when
you wake up can make you even
more sick. Let the alcohol run
its course through your body
before getting any nutrients.
4)
Exercise.
Hangovers can make every mus-
cle in your body ridiculously sore.
Exercising can assuage this pain
by releasing endorphins that make
you happier and more energized
to take on the rest of the day!
Make sure you do both cardio and
weights to get the full benefits.
5) Drink more.
If
all else fails, just get drunk
again! This might be the most
effective method of getting rid
of a hangover. Sure, you might
feel even worse tomorrow, but
you'l'e guaranteed to have some
great stories from this weekend.
Hangovers are the price we pay
for a fun night out. As pain-
ful and exhausting as they can
be, they're definitely worth the
crazy
nights
m
over-crowd-
ed,
sweaty,
expensive
bars.
So to recap the best cures for
your hangover, expose yourself to
as much light as possible, dance
around to extremely loud music,
try not to eat or drink any water
and exercise as much as possible.
If
none of those work, just grab
another beer. By following these
simple steps, you can have a much
more enjoyable Sunday morning!

















\
'
Opinion
Thursday, April 2, 2015
www.maristcircle.com
Page7
Residence halls to increase weekend security
BY SOPHIA BRANA
Staff Writer
Students looking to get row-
dy this weekend will need to
find a new location, as Marist
Security is planning on taking
the night patrol to a new level.
Rather than simply swiping in
as normal, students looking to
enter Midrise and all freshmen
residence halls will be required
to pass a field sobriety test. This
test may include walking in a
straight line, reciting the Marist
fight song backward and even
a Breathalyzer test. Any stu-
dent in violation of the college's
alcohol policy can expect to be
sent to the hospital, as usual.
''Youths love their drugs and
alcohol, but these things have no
place at an institution of high-
er learning. We are doing our
·
part to maintain a safe campus,"
John Gildard, Director of Safe-
ty and Security said when asked
to comment on the new policy.
Gone are the nights of gripping
your ID and hoping for a miracle
to get back into your residence
hall. The new weekend policy
ensures that all risk-takers will
I
be caught and brought to justice.
With the impenetrable Marist
PHOTO COURTESY OF THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
Is there really a colonial woman churning butter or are we just really drunk?
Security team on the case, there
will be no more students drunk-
enly slipping through the cracks.
The use of the Breathalyzer
test will make Security's job
even easier; they will no lon-
ger need to wait while students
use their three tries to swipe
their ID properly. Now, any
underage student with a BAC
over 0.00 will be denied access
to the building and transport-
ed immediately to the hospital.
This new policy is one small
step for John Gildard, but a gi-
ant leap
for the war on drugs.
Though it is
_
sure to be over-
whelmingly unpopular among
the ruffians of Marist College,
sobriety testing will make the
campus a safer place and hope-
fully deter degeneracy among
students in the future. The
Marist Security team is tak-
ing important steps in reduc-
ing the prevalence of drug-and
-alcohol-related crime on cam-
pus, an initiative that should
be adopted by colleges and uni-
versities across the natian.
The only flaw in this plan is
that secu:city desks are sure to
become backed up when groups
of students return home and
have to complete sobriety tests
one by one. To combat this
problem, Gildard and his team
should consider establishing
random sobriety checkpoints
around campus. Not only would
this make for less crowding
around reside
·
nce hall entrances,
it would stop more outlaw stu-
dents before they get the chance
to cause trouble around campus.
"This really throws a wrench
in my plans," sophomore Mid-
rise resident Adriana Belmonte
said. Belmonte is not alone in
this sentiment; hooligans across
campus are upset that their de-
linquency may come to a halt
at the hands of John Gildard.
What these outlaws fail to real-
ize is that 90 percent of crimes
at Marist can be traced back to
drugs and alcohol. The new sobri-
ety test policy will surely reduce
the occurrence of golf cart thefts
and the breaking of glass doors.
Gildard's final words of ad-
vice for those students brave
enough to continue experi-
menting with drugs and alcohol
within the Marist gates: "Don't
do it." Students who choose
not to take John Gildard's ad-
vice to heart are doing them-
selves
a
great
disservice.
40th season of Pretty Little Liars: Still no A
BY ALEXANDRA AYERS
Circle Contributor
Pretty Little Liars ended its
40th season last week and while
viewers thought A would final-
ly be revealed, this was not the
case.
It was speculated that due
to the show's poor writing and
redundant plot line it would be
cancelled, but in a miraculous
turn of events the show has been
renewed for another season. The
handful of viewers the show
still has left continue to spec-
ulate whom A could really be.
Through past seasons we
have watched the four main
characters Aria, Emily, Spen-
cer and Hanna struggle with
pinning down who A could re-
ally be. A has been tormenting
the girls through cryptic mes-
sages and threats to expose
their darkest secrets since their
friend Alison went missing.
In 2014, Alison retuned to Rose-
wood and although it might have
seemed as though the drama died
down, A was still very prevalent,
and began tormenting Alison.
The girls, now middle-aged
women, have
_
suffered through
A's cruelty and threats for long
enough and viewers were all
hoping it would come to an end.
Writers had other plans in mind.
Many thought that A would
potentially back off the girls.
Af-
ter all, they have all moved out
of Rosewood, gone on to college,
and started families of their own.
Obviously A hasn't had enough
yet and has continued to follow
from the A lineup, many have
turned to Hanna. Although
Hanna has always seemingly
been the victim of A's torment,
events in the show have given
viewers reason to believe she's
not as innocent as she seems.
However, there is no possible
way Hanna could be A now.
Hanna moved back to Rosewood
after college where she and her
long-term boyfriend, Caleb, set-
tled dqwn. Hanna spends her
days being a housewife and
looking after her two children.
PHOTO COURTESY OF ABC FAMILY
Viewers are stumped about
whom A could be, but also in
all of the girls through these certain respects, no one really
stages of their lives. Perhaps A cares. Rosewood has returned
doesn't have much going on in his to the quiet sleepy town it was
or her own life to stay occupied. before Alison disappeared and A
Viewers speculate that per-
entered the picture. Most of the
haps A could be Ezra, Aria's characters are sick and tired of
ex-lover and English teach-
A and mostly want whomever it
er, who also had an obsession is to finally get on with their life
with Alison. Ezra has long as well. Those who still watch
moved on from his career in Pretty Little Liars aren't sure
teaching and retired to Flori-
themselves why they are still
da where he spends majority of holding out hope for the reveal
his days playing shuffleboard. of
·
A because it seems that is
Now that Ezra is eliminated just not ever going to happen.























Opinion
Thursday,
April
2, 2015
www.maristcircle.com
Pages
"Bound II" funny comparisons: Kim Kardashian and Gone Girl
BY ANDREW AUGER
Circle Contributor
To most of America, the Kar-
dashian family represents ev-
erything wrong with society.
Whether it is the rampant ma-
terialism present in their brand,
or the fame they've achieved by
doing little other than cultivat-
ing that brand, it's safe to say
that not many people like them.
Personally,
I
love them. Life just
wouldn't be as fun without the
Kardashians; they're mesmeriz-
ing in their ability to just grind
our gears. That infamous pic-
ture of Kim crying like a baby
who just sucked on a lemon is
a perfect metaphor for how we
should perceive them. They
aren't deplorable, just ador-
able in how clueless they are to
how much we laugh at them.
The Kardashians are enter-
taining for the wrong reasons.
"Gone Girl," the 2014 movie star-
ring Ben Affleck and Rosamund
Pike, was entertaining for the
right reasons. So naturally, any
comparison between the two
life story is manipulated due to
the perceptions of the media and
the other is Amy Elliott Dunne.
Apparently, Rob didn't fight with
Kim, and that Gone Girl compar-
ison was just one of love. But
I
think Rob could've don~ better in
picking something that Kim re-
sembles. There are so many peo-
ple that Kim Kardashian shares
a likeness with, and if Rob was
really trying to devastate his sis-
ter, he wouldn't have held back.
I've seen Kim compared to a
PHOTO COURTESY OF BUZZFEED
number of things, wh~ther it be a
Kim Kardashian or Amy Dunne? You decide.
real-life manifestation of a Bratz
doll, a Madame Tussaud's wax
totally makes sense. Rob Kar-
dashian recently compared his
sister Kim to Amy Dunne, Pike's
character from the film. For
those of you who haven't seen
the film, let's just say that's a
less than flattering comparison.
Rob Kardashian having seen
Gone Girl is not that big of a sur-
prise. Not only was the film one
of the biggest of last year, but it
also SP.eaks to the kind of "guilty
pleasure" entertainment that
defines the Kardashian family's
core audience. How accurate is
Rob with the assessment? Well,
Kim and Amy do share quite a
few qualities. For starters, both
Kim and Amy are part of, let's
say, fascinating marriages. One
is a little more sociopathic than
another, and I'll let you decide
which one I'm referring to. Kim's
sex tape told us that she'd chase
fame in any way possible, which is
certainly true for Amy's own sto-
ry arc. Also, one of these ladies is
a figure of popular culture whose
figurine, a blowfish, Ms. Doubt-
fire and Draco Malfoy from Har-
ry Potter. All I'm saying is that
if Rob wanted to be really harsh,
he wouldn't have picked one of
the most intricately complicat-
ed and complex psycho women
of cinema history, because that
would be giving Kim more com-
plexity than she deserves.
If
any-
thing, she's more Regina George
than Amy Dunne, and even that
comparison is so not "fetch."
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Opinion
Thursday,
April
2, 2015
www.maristcircle.com
Page9
Circle Opinion editor takes HER opinions too far
BY
KATHLEEN
O'BRIEN
&
AMBER
CASE
Co-Managi,ng Editors
A rumble fills the Lowell Thom-
as lab, and it's not construction
but rather the empty stomachs
of the Circle staff recently de-
prived of pizza and mozzarella
sticks on late night. This tra-
dition which has been a sta-
ple for years was done away
with this semester because of
one person: Adriana Belmonte.
While the food was meant to
simply
provide
sustenance for the
editors, Belmonte used the break
as a sounding
board
to express
her many opinions on the Yan-
kees, women's rights and other
useless information (personally,
we stopped listening). The sound
of her voice has simply become
an annoying hum like that of a
bee on a summer day ... almost
as bad as melted ice cream.
"She was so quiet and nice
when she first came to our pitch
meetings as a writer," Circle ed-
itor-in-chief Michelle Costello
said. "Because
of that we asked
her to be our Opinion editor -
a decision we deeply regret."
It
isn't just that Belmonte is
loud, but that she has an opin-
ion about everything. Mozza-
rella sticks were hers, cheese
should be banned from pizza
- we laughed at first until she
From page four
PHOTO COURTESY OF ADRIANA BELMONTE
For your
own
safetey, don't bring cheese pizza into the kitchen when
Adriana is around.
leaned over and slapped a piece
of cheese pizza out of freshman
Arts
&
Entertainment editor
John Mosho stating: "that's why
you don't put cheese on pizza!"
"I didn't know what to do so
I just
returned."
o
my
wor
,
"
Nfo-
sho said.
"From
now on, I just
keep my head down and do my
work either leaving early, tak-
ing my time until she leaves
or working from home
-
it just
depends on how strongly trau-
matized I feel on that day."
Besides the pizza incident, Bel-
monte feels a need to share her
opinion on the Yankees - yes,
they are the best but the contin-
ual bickering between her and
sports editor Avery Decker about
the Yankees and Mets was mak-
ing all of us lose our appetite.
'·
t
got
to the point where
I am
planning to leave the staff,"
said Decker. "I'm just glad I'm
getting out when I am, but I
feel bad for the rest of them."
When it comes to women's is-
sues, Belmonte is leading the
feminist charge. I mean, we're
women, but she's making us
not want rights! We've actual-
ly had to start removing some
of her articles from the pa-
per because it just has to stop.
Although we've told her she is
able to return to her post next
year, her post is actually under
review. It's come to our attention
that Belmonte has been rewrit-
ing opinion stories to match her
own outspoken ones as well as
refusing stories to people who (as
she puts it) "just aren't with it."
Belmonte's behavior isn't con-
fined to just the Circle as she
continues to cause a ruckus in
her classes as well. Co-man-
aging editor Amber Case
·
is in
Belmonte's
Issues in Sports
Media class, and affirms all
of
the
above
testimonials.
"Even though Professor Mirabito
tells us that no one's opinion is
wrong, Adriana thinks the op-
posite," Case said. "She yells at
eve:r:yone who doesn't share her
opinion ... no one is safe. Let's
just say that class participa-
tion has drastically declined."
While we at the Circle all for
freedom of spe~ch and expres-
sion, we
do have our limits. There
exists that line where freedom
of
speech
blurs into nonsense,
and Adriana has crossed that
line. Therefore, for all of the poor
souls who have been silenced by
her loud, brash comments, we
take a stand here ... your pain and
humiliation will not be in vain.
Editor Costello steals the show
·with
Kleptomaniac case
"Perhaps I should have warned
Rogers, but I hoped it was just my
misperception," McNulty added.
Dr. Ryan Rogers is the new advis-
er, and he accepted the post with-
out knowledge of the consequences.
''It's the saddest thing to see this
behavior happen
to
a girl like Mi-
chelle," Rogers added. "I just hope
the rest of the staff won't take the
discovery too hard. We'll push for-
ward
as a team, though."
Of all of her acquisitions, Costel-
lo's prize possession is the thin
wafer she removed from the giant
head. For her, it
reminded
her of
her first days at
Marist
- alone.
Costello saw the head as
a
lonely
soul in need of a friend who is bad-
gered day after day by annoying
Marist students posing with him.
"So much of him was taken from
him - his whole body and now
his pride," Costello told us. ''I just
wanted
to
keep
a
part of him safe
from
all
of the commotion."
Costello kept
the
piece (cleaned
of the Hudson River pollution) in a
small glass case under her pillow.
"I don't care what happens to me,
I just want him
to
be safe," Costello
added with a glisten of tears in her
eyes. "People can be so cruel, and
I just want him to have a chance."
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of
the degree requirement: prior to joining a firm.
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A&E
Thursday, April 2, 2015
www.maristcircle.com
·
Page 10
Justin Bieber comes to Marist for spring concert
BY MALLIKA RAO
Staff Writer
Fresh off of getting roasted on
Comedy Central by Kevin Hart and
pals, Justin Bieber is on his way to
making a comeback by embarking
on a college tour. He will be visit-
ing six colleges in total, with Marist
being his fourth stop. He touch-
es down on the land of the Red
Foxes on April 26 for our annual
Spring Concert. He is bringing spe-
cial guest Kanye
·
west along with
him
in what many are calling the
"D-Bag Rehabilitation Tour." But
if
for some reason Bieber will not be
able to make it (perhaps because
of a court appearance), SNL's Kate
McKinnon is gladly on stand-by.
Indeed, Bieber, now 21, has ex-
perienced his fair share of troubles.
As
we all know, he's crashed cars,
peed in mop buckets and egged
his
neighbors' houses.
But when asked about his up-
coming college tour, Bieber stated,
"my fans have always stuck by me
no matter what, and I am going on
this
tour
to show them my love.
They were
all
really young when
they started following me and lis-
tening to my music, and it's great
that we've been able to go on this
journey together."
Any frat parties for the newly legal
Biebs? Not so much. "Eh, I'm taking
PHOTO COURTESY OF FLICKR
Justin Bieber posing for the MBeliebersw here at Marist College.
a break [from the party scene]. I'm Kanye as well as Madonna-his re-
really focused on my music right ported new lover.
now," he claims. Well, we'll know
Yep, you heard that correctly.
for sure
if
he's not seen partying The Queen of Pop has apparent-
the night away at Mahoney's the ly· replaced pop princess Selena
night before.
Gomez as the love of Bieber's life.
He plans on performing some of The perennial cougar has report-
his past hits like "Baby" and "Boy-
edly decided to make the teen pop
friend," as well as some of the new sensation-turned-adult superstar
material, which includes songs like her latest "conquest" after they met
"Gangsta Wannabe" and ''There during a recent episode of "Ellen."
Really is Nothing Between My
When asked about the possible
Calvins (Except for Love)" off of his hooking up by reporters-as she
new album "Juvenile Delinquent." is promoting her own new album
He will be debuting his first sin-
"Rebel Heart"-she simply said,
gle "Grounded for Life" during the "age is just a number and that is
Spring Concert, which features all I have to say about it. He's only
two years older than my daughter,
so it's okay."
Will Her Majesty be making an
appearance in the McCann Arena?
We still don't know, but one thing
is for sure. Somewhere, Selena Go-
mez is with her new boyfriend-DJ
and hitmaker Zedd, who as far as
we know is actually a man-not
caring one bit that her ex is dating
the decades-older superstar.
Bieber's longtime manager Scoot-
er Braun-the king of promoting
overrated singers with a clientele
that includes Carly Rae Jepsen and
Psy (remember him?)-believes
this concert will be a game-changer
for Bieber's career and could even
inspire other troubled young stars
to
use college campuses as arenas
for their comebacks.
"Bieber is going to kill it on
[this tour]. He is an inspiration
to many." Braun adds that he is
starting a rehabilitation program
for troubled child stars that will
''be more helpful to some of these
guys than most of the Hollywood
rehabs, as we just send [them]
back into work without warning."
Zayn Malik, are you listening?
Even
if
the ex-One Directioner
is not, chances are that everyone
at Marist will come April 26. Be
there, or you will have your dorm
room egged.
Where are they now? The dancing sharks
BY JOHN MOSHO
A&E Editor
The tides have changed for Left
Shark, whose career has progressed
swimmingly right in front of our
eyes after his Super Bowl halftime
performance. It is through this
success however that Left Shark
has left his brother and partner-in-
crime, Right Shark, behind to wal-
low in the salty depths of
his
sor-
rows.
Since February, Left Shark has
dominated
the
entertainment
scene, soaking in the limelight and
the fame, while his brother, Right
Shark, has been forced to watch be-
grudgingly from afar.
"My life changed for the best af-
ter [Katy] Perry finally gave me the
chance to strut my stuff and show
the world who I really am," said
Left Shark. "Without her believing
in me, I'd probably still be floating
about Hollywood, trying to make a
name for myself."
Since his breakthrough perfor-
mance, Left Shark has been making
·
small cameos
all
around the con-
tinental United States, exploring
his options as
to
where he wants to
bring his talents.
"After making cameo appearanc-
es in Broadway's 'The Little
Mer-
maid' and 'Finding Dory,' I think
I've finally found the
"
opportunity to
make my splash," said Left Shark.
"After hours of negotiating, I have said Right Shark. "My whole life
finally locked up the star role in has been spent swimming and
'Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!"
dancing with my brother. It pains
With all of this success for Left me greatly that he has left me for
Shark however, Right Shark now the popularity. Did you know he
feels as though he is on the wrong wasn't even supposed to do that
side of things.
impromptu dancing? How is it fair
''I
feel like a fish out of water," that he gets
all
the glory by break-
ing
all
the rules?"
Even though his brother has
reached a new level in his career,
Right Shark is struggling to stay
afloat due to the lack of job opportu-
nities coming his way.
''These days, I question
if
it's al-
most time for me to go 'belly up,"'
said Right Shark. ''With nobody hir-
ing me, I've been forced to take a job
working for the local aquarium, do-
ing the same dancing routine every
day. I'm tired of going with the flow
of things and I feel as though I have
no choice but to go back to the ocean
and pursue other options."
PHOTO
COURTESY
OF
MARIST COLLEGE
STUDENT
:Although Left Shark wants his
brother to "Just keep swimming," it
appears as though this might tru-
ly be the end of a brotherhood, a
friendship, and the dancing shark
Left Shark is starting to make a name for
himself
as he is prepaired to star in
the new Sharknado movie.
duo.



















Sports
Thursday, April 2, 2015
www.maristcircle.com
Page 11
Men's basketball axed for being good students
BY BEN HAYES
Staff Writer
Marist College, due to the
players
'
failure to be bad role
models
,
has suspended the en-
tire Red Fox basketball team.
Early yesterday morning
,
campus
security went to each men's basket-
ball player's residence and put the
athletes in handcuffs before bring-
ing them in to the Athletics office.
An
anonymous high-ranking source
utation tarnished by any warnings.
in the athletics department de-
"Not only is the team embarrassing
scribed the team's conduct as "atro-
me by not getting arrested," said
my fault. I should have been more
on top of them to make sure that
they stop focusing on being' stu-
cious," saying "these young men
the anonymous sQurce, "but none of dents," said head Marist men's
have an obligation as student-ath-
them are even failing any classes! basketball coach Mike Maker
.
lete~ to be a detriment to society and
At least half the team should be in Maker added "this was a lot easi-
contribute nothing other than their
trouble of academic suspension, but er when I coached division three."
skills.on the basketball court.
How-
instead we
·
have a bunch of honor
An
official statement from the
ever, the men's basketball team
has done the complete opposite."
The Red Foxes have not seen any
current player get in trouble with
the law, nor have even had their rep-
students! What a waste of talent!"
"You have to believe that they
would not be getting a way with
this at Kentucky or North Caro-
lina, so some of this is probably
Marist Athletic Department as-
sured fans that next season will be
full of recruiting violations, fake
classes, and failed drug tests to make
up for this season's lack of trouble
.
NCAA finally gives water polo team payday
BY MIKE BRACCO
Staff Writer
The NCAA has recognized
the Marist women's water polo
team as the best athletic team in
America and will reward them
by making them the first col-
lege athletes to ~ver be paid.
''We understand that water polo is
the most popular sport in the MAAC
and I have a great ;elationship with
President [Dennis] Murray," said
NCAA President Mark Emmert.
"Since the water polo team is
'..-
head
and shoulders above the other teams
at Marist, we decided to experi-
ment and compensate these ladies."
President Murray's response to
this reward has been swift- com-
pletely gutting McCann Center and
teplacing it with one huge pool.
Water polo is now being considered
a major, and all members of the
team are enrolled in classes such
as Polo-economics, and Polo-theory.
Upon hearing the news, head
coach Natalie Benson surprised her
players by draining the water out of
the McCann Arena pool and filling it
Jessica Hamby (pictured above) and her twin sister Alison have· dominated the
MMC this year, drawing the attenlon of even Syracuse legend Jim Boeheim.
with real gold coins, ordering her play-
There have been mixed respons-
ers to dive in, Scrooge McDuck style
.
es from around the NCAA. Syra-
"I've always been a fan of Duck Tales, cuse University men's basketball
it was my favorite cartoon growing coach Jim Boeheim has support-
up,
"
said Benson. 'Tve never really ed this decision saying, "I am a
had a chance to recreate the theme huge fan of the Hamby sisters'
song until now, thanks to the NCAA." play for the last three years, and
Athletic Director Tim Murray I'm happy they are being paid for
felt this was a _long time coming
,
their exe~plary work," he contin-
''We knew the NCAA would final- ued.
''I
only wish this happened
ly come to the realization that our sooner because this team has de-
women's water polo team is in the served the money for a long time."
upper echelon of college athletics."
Other coaches have not been so re-
ceptive to this announcement. Nick
Saban, head coach of the University
of Alabama football team had some
choice
words
for the decision, ''This is
absolute bulls-. The Crimson Tide
football team deserves the money!
We don't really neecl it because we
make millions, but we want more!
"
Players on the team were asked
how they would spend their $10,000
a month paycheck from the NCAA
.
The overwhelming response was
surprising, as most said it would be
spent on food to escape the pressure
-of
playing as the highest regarded
collegiate team in America. This did
not seem to be a concern for coach
Benson, as she believes that the team
will still be in shape to maintain
their spot at the top of the NCAA.
Seniors and juniors have been re-
ceiving offers to play for the FINA
Water Polo World League. Many
believe that this year's team can
play as a unit in the 2016 Summer
Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro.
Unfortunately, Canada is recruit-
ing Amanda Amorosa and Jocelyn
McQuade. These players declined to
comment on the Olympic situation.
Baseball team to become basketball team
BY BEN HAYES
Staff Writer
The Marist College baseball team
is considering changing sports
after recent practice activities
.
What started as simple pickup
basketball games before and after
practice
s
has turned into a new
hobby for the Red Foxes
.
''I
think
this really starting taking steam
back in January when the wom-
en's basketball coach
,
Brian Gior-
gis walked into the gym and saw
us playing some ball after our prac-
tice,
"
senior right-handed pitcher
Evan Davis said. "Giorgis immedi-
ately started blowing on his whis-
tle and had us doing suicides until
we were making our free throws."
Once Marist baseball Head Coach
OF
GOREDFOXES
.
M
Chris Tracz found out about this, he were missing so many shots until
was completely on
-
board.
''It
seemed about thirty minutes passed and I
like a great way
to
for the guys to realized that they weren't actually
practice
,"
Tracz said. "I give Gior-
girls
.
It
was pretty embarrassing."
gis all of the credit, but I think that
The Red Foxes began to exclu-
1
really took it to the next level." sively play pickup basketball at
When Coach Giorgis was asked about practices, and even started scrim-
the subject
,
all he said was that he maging nearby schools. ''We swept
"honestly thought that they were my New Paltz and split the series
team. I couldn't und~rstand Why they against the Culinary," Tracz said.
''We were even able to scrimmage
against Iona this past weekend af.
ter the extra inning baseball game
finally ended. I think this bunch
really has some great potential
to be good basketball players
."
The Marist baseball recruit
-
ing class has even been affected
by this sudden change
.
"We of-
fered full scholarships to these
two seven-footers from Sudan this
month, and we couldn't be more
excited about it," Tracz said
. "
They
have never played baseball be-
fore and don't really know how to
swing a bat, but we expect them
to be great additions to the club
.
"
Marist is also looking into the
possibility
of re.cruiting
Lak-
ers shooting guard Kobe Bryant
,
smce he did not attend college
.




































Sports
~ursday, April 2, 2015
www.maristcircle.com
Page
12
Red Foxes to
.
hire coveted five-star referee
BY BEN
HAYES
Staff Writer
Next year's recruiting class
for the Marist College football
team is going
to
include a referee.
Among the many quarterbacks,
linebackers and wide receivers
that the Red Foxes have secured
for the next four years, referee Ed-
ward Thomas from Des Moines,
Iowa is perhaps the most notable
Marist recruit this year. Thomas,
who spent his last ten years ref-
ereeing Pop Warner games near
Des Moines, is expected
to
make
an immediate impact next fall
as the Red Foxes look to get back
to the top of the Pioneer League.
''Refs don't really get rated the
same way that actual football play-
ers do," explained Marist Head
Coach Jim Parady, ''but
if
I had to
pick one, I'd say Eddie is definitely a
5-star recruit. He has all the intan-
gibles that you wanna see in a ref,
especially since he'll be on our side."
After followingup Marist's first ever
Pioneer League championship in
2012 with a disappointing 4-7 over-
all record, the Red Foxes
are
hungry
to be a dominant team once again.
Edward Thomas, 65, from Des Moines, Iowa is ready to make a splash- hopefully
for the Red Foxes in the upcoming football season.
This is a very rare occurrence in penalties, I can hold the (exple-
the sports world. In fact, Thomas
is
tive) out of the rushers all I want."
the first referee to ever
be
recruit-
"I was talking to some of my bud-
ed by a collegiate sports program.
dies that play D, and they were
While this may seem like a very joking about how they're definitely
unorthodox move by Marist, the
gonna be breaking some arms and
current Red Foxes are embracing legs at the bottom of the piles," Hig-
Thomas' arrival with open arms gins continued. "Although knowing
''I
think that it's a great idea by them, they probably weren't actual-
Coach to get a ref," junior offen-
ly kidding." Marist certainly seems
sive lineman Jon Higgins said.
''I
to be very hopeful about next sea-
can't believe he didn't think of it son, due to Thomas' commitment.
sooner. Now all the calls will be
Thomas recently used his one al-
on
our
side,
and instead of having lowed overnight visit
to
Marist, and
to worry about getting called for
Coach Parady said that it could
not
TIHf
TO
FACE THE
\JORLV
I
STUVY
ABROAV
ave
gone better. "Eddie
is
a nat-
1
al
out there," Parady said. "He
ttended
one of the practices, and
·t was remarkable to see how he
a
able to throw flags whenever
•e
wanted
him to,
and not throw
a.gs
when we didn't want him
to."
During Thomas' overnight stay,
e
also spent a night out with the
earn.,
where they attended the local
Ill'
and restaurant Darby O'Gill's
or
the evening. Thomas was re-
ortedly
throwing flags almost ev-
ry
minute due to excessive con-
tact and unsportsmanlike conduct.
''That just comes
·with
experi-
ence," Higgins said. ''People have to
remember that even though Eddie
is
65 years old, he still hasn't even
played his first collegiate game yet.
Marist certainly seems
to
have
a "win-now" mentality, and there
have even been whispers that the
Red Foxes plan to recruit sever-
al
circus animals as well. Coach
Parady declined to comment on
this matter, but did mention that
fans should not be surprised
to
see the offensive linemen be re-
placed by elephants next fall.
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