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THE MARIST COLLEGE LITERARY AND ART MAGAZINE
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Ca
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osa1c
Spring 1993






The Mosaic
Spring 1993












The Spring 1993
Mot1aic
Staff
Advi.Jor: Judith Saunders
Pruident: Christopher W
.
Iacono
Vice
Pruident: Kristine Singer
Secretary: Norine Mudrick
TreaJurer: Gabrielle Demma
Poetry
,1tafl:
Simon Cote
Diane DesAu tels
Amy Ellenes
Jami Fregosi
Norine Mudrick
Short
,1tory
.Jtaff Gabrielle Demma
Justin Seremet
Kristine Singer
Art
dtaf/:
Brian Elias
Rob Ryan (front cover artist)
Typi.Jt.J:
Caren Burtt
Jennifer
Lee
Special thanks to Ann Winfield










Lost Number
when i first came into
the system
i
had
an identity
( not a number )
but when i got here
they ( believe this ) lost my number
i don't exist
( they won't let me go though )
they can't find my name or number
well here i am
( i'm not here according to these people)
no one knows i'n1 here
i'm lost in the paper work
( i don't exist)
no one can give me
permission to use the phone
( i
'
m not here)
so i wrote a letter
to albany
told them what was going on
( they didn't know who i was)
they sent me a letter
( least i think it was to me )
addressed to occupant
( must be me)
you are being transferred
back to your old facility
( maybe i11 find myself)
they don't know who you are
but they are willing
to look in the lost and found
to see if they may have lost you
- lf'/i!liam Stafford


















Samantha
by
Andrea
G.
Preziotti
Nowa
days it's hard for me to think that maybe you're not here anymore
.
I
mean, so
metimes
I
sit by my window and pray
that
you'll come
home,
yet
knowin
g you never will.
I
did
not understand why you
left, it
seemed so
irra
tional,
so
unlike
you.
When you left, my heart
just
broke
.
I'm not
too sure
whe
re it
all went. The
pieces flew and the
shattered fragments, they
lay
about the
lino
leum floor for
days before
I
even had the courage to pick them up.
I
felt
so
listles
s, an airplane
flying
above
the
clouds,
no passengers, just me-the pilot.
The
turbulence was
horrendous, but it was
all in
my
heart,
and like
a
fated
crash
it was
inevitable.
So
I
picked up those fragile
pieces of
my heart, and
I
tried to
put
them
back
together.
I
even
tried that extra-strength
crazy glue
they advertise
on
televisio
n,
but to no avail.
Theyjusthung limp
onmy fingertips.
I
twas
a
mess
,
glue
everyw
here, and it turned out
I
glued the
newspaper to
th
e
hardwood floor
.
I
had
to call a carpenter
to handle it. He
asked
me
what
had happened, and
I
told
him
Many and
I
were working on
a
project. When
I
wasn't
looking,
she
nudged
the
bottle
of
glue and it
spilled all
over the floor. She
said
it was "an
accident."
Then
he
muttered
"kids!"
under his breath (what does he know!). He was
finis
hed by
noon.
I
know you'd understand
why
I
didn't
tell him
the truth,
he
was
n't like you and
me. He'd use that
word and
them
call
Dr. Sagew,
and
then
they'd
take me away
for good,
justlike
last time- but back then
you
rescued me
.
And
now, well, you weren't
here. Poof, you were gone!
The
view from my
window is pretiy
.
I
can see the ocean crash against
the
rocks
, and splash all
the little
children
building
sand castles.
They
seem
to be
havin
g fun. Maybe
I'll go out
tomorrow and take a walk
and join them. The
neighborhoo
d kids,
they
know me ... and
you.
They loved you, the magician who
built
wonderful,
fairy
tale castles with moats and shell bridges. You made tl1em
la
ugh so many
times. When
I
was with
you
I
felt like a little kid all over again.
This
time
around
I
was a happier kid, no dark
shadows
lurked behind me, no evil
spirits
threatened
me with harm.
I
fmally free of
all
those horrible memories.You
make
them
all
disappear
with a snap of
your fingers and the wannth of your
smile.
It's
starting
to rain, I better close the windows. I remember how you used to
tell
me how
musiy the house would get if I kept the windows open during a
show
er. But
I wanted to listen to
the
rain's pitter-patter
on
the
window sill.
We
argued
, discussed
and in the end we
compromised.
The front windows would
stay
ope
n and
the
back windows
would stay
shut
.
Today, I
think
I'll leave them
all
open
. No need
to lose my train
of
thought over
a
musiy
odor
that
will
go
away
with
the
first ray of sunshine.
The kids
are all
going home now. I guess the rain
has
scare
d them off.
I
don't
know why people
are afraid of rain
.
It's not like
they're
going
to melt
away.
I
like
rain,
especially
during
an electrical thunderstom1. The
lightning dances
acros
s its s
tage of water and
the thunder clap
s
after its
every
performance.
Some
times,
if
the thunder really
likes
the lightning
'
s show
h
e'
ll clap
and ask
for
an enco
re. Of course,
the lightning lets hem
wait a bit as
e
very
good woman
sho
uld.
And when she's good and
ready
she crosses the sea in a
fury
of
pirouettes,
swi
rls,
a
nd leaps-brightening the
sky
with
her
energy. Thunder
usually
falls
silent
afte
r this vibrant performance, then gives his fmal vouch of approval and







bids her farewell. She curtsies in a much more polite manner then that of which
her dance was performed, and bids him
adieu
-almost sure that their paths will
cross sometime
in the future
.
Lightning
never
knows when, where, or even
how, - but her female intuition tells her that they will meet once more, two ships
passing in the night.
I wish I knew that there
would
be some way
for
us
to
somehow find
each
other
again, though I knowit'shighlyimprobable
.
But sometimes i can see us together.
Of course this occurs when dusk takes
over
my senses and you become real to
me in the folds
of
the night
.
You will be
standing
at my
side,
as we look out at
the ocean and watch the
schooners
pass, indelible phantoms against the icecaps.
Fishing for
creatures of
the
sea
and wondering
if
they might hear the enchanting
songs
of the
sirens,
dying the way a true fisherman should-he and his boat
crashing
between the rocks, drowning in the devilish
ocean.
And as
that
dreadful
note should
pass through iny mind,
you
would
squeeze
me tight and I would feel
safe
in your
arms.
Then
we
would walk hand in hand down to
our sleeping
quarters
,
falling exhausted among
the
sheets, two bodies as one.
But I know that
shall
never happen, for I shall climb the widow's walk alone
and call
out
to you
in the
night, knowing that you will never answer my mournful
cry.
Knowing that like
all
the other sailors, you too had fallen for the sweet
mermaid's melody and had perished the fishern1an way
...
Oh my, it
seems she
has
entered
my mind again, spurning yet another piece
of
her tragic tale. Oh
,
I wish I could help the poor soul, but only you seemed to
understand. She's not
another
personality, merely a spirit trying to find her way.
I know
she
uses me to find her destiny, and sometimes I think maybe we were
destined to help one another. I know it sounds queer, but it just seems right,
especially now
that you're
gone ...
she's
the only friend I have now.You know,
I
even
know her name. It's Samantha. Samantha, isn't that sur.h a pretty name?
Sometimes I think I
can see
her. She's wearing a cream-colored dress, very
simple
but elegant, with a high
collar
and a train. There's a black shawl draped
about
her
shoulders,
and her light brown hair is done up in a bun. I can tell you
these things, I mean I could, if you were here
.
But
since
you're not, this book will
have to do.
The Roffel's got
anew
car today, a
'57
Chevy,you know how Henry likes to
collect those antiques. It's red and white, with shark fms and it's a convertible,
too
.
He said one day next week, Marty and I could take a drive in it. You know,
everyone's been really nice to me
since
you left
.
I don't know why, but I'm
sure
someday
I will
.
They don't
seem
to think you're coming back, but I know you
will.
I
was
walking through the neighborhood, passing by
our
favorite haunts. I
went
into the Willoughby
Creamery and ordered
a peanut butter-fudge sundae.
You know, the big
ones we
used
to share. The
guy
behind
the
counter
was kind
of..
uh, I guess
you could say
flabbergasted. He wasn't
too sure
ifl
could
eat the
whole
thing
.
But
you and
I both know most
times we came
to Will's, I
ate
most
of
the
sundae
.
Those hot,
summer
nights when the perspiration dripped off our
bodies, and open faucet dripping
in
twilight,
cooled
off by Will's
ceiling
fan.
The sky is the prettiest blue today. The clouds look like fluffy pillows waiting
for
sleepy heads. Right
now
I'm lying on the grass in our-I mean, the backyard.
The dew is
seeping
through my clothes but I really don't mind at
all.
A sparrow
just flew past
me and
landed
on one of
big Oak's limbs
.
Wow, Big Oak stands










so
tall,
his branches reaching out for a hug
.
I hate looking at him during the
winter.
He
'
s so bare
.
He seems so lonely, it makes me sad enough to cry. I'm glad
that it's
j
u
s
t the summer and I have a few more months left to relish his beauty.
A
butte
rfly just landed ont eh tip of my nose. She's so beautiful, more so that
any
I've
ev
er seen. Her wings are so delicate
.
The colors are entwined around
each
ot
her
in a filigree design
.
It's amazing that nature can create something so
perfect.
B
l
a
ck, purple and yellow go so well together.
Toda
y
I saw a parade. You should have seen all the marching bands and
balloo
ns.
They were huge
.
Snoopy and Woodstock came on and they played
Schr
oede
r'
s
little melody. You know, the one they always play on "Charlie
Brown"
s
pecials. I
c
ould have danced and would have danced with joy if you
were
here.
I would've been just like last time, that is, when you were around
.
Late
ly
the
d
a
ys seem to melt into each other, to tell you the truth I'm no even too
sure
what
day this is.
I
passe
d by Engine
Co
.
153, too
.
I wa
s
curiou
s
to know if they owned a
Dalm
atian
o
r not, if that old myth had any bit of truth to it. I went in and asked
one
of
t
he fire fighters, and she said that it was funny I should ask 'cause that
'
s
just
aro
und the time I found your note
.
Amazing huh?
It'ss
itti
nginfrontof me now
,
the note
,
that is
.
The paper'
s
yellow already and
sligh
tly
r
umpled
.
You see, after I read it through the first time, I wasn't
.
.. I
did
n't
...
understand
.
I threw it out
.
It hurt too much to look at your cursive
writin
g o
n the plain notebook paper, you didn't even sign "always" -just your
nam
e.
A dagger pierced my heart when I saw the loveless farewell. I felt used
,
manip
ula
ted, and I tried to convince myself that your words were wrong, that
you
hadn'
t left but I knew I was only fooling myself. Once again I was taken for
a
ride,
on
ly
t
o be cast out the car window, a smoldering cigarette butt. I felt that
way
for
d
a
ys afterwards. Then I was ready to throw out the garbage, and of all
the
things
to fallout of the bag was you letter.
Crink
led and faded, it lay on the carpet, my desk light casting its shadow on
the
wall.
Its silhouette was reminiscent of a hand reaching out for help, and I
scream
e
d
.
Marty jumped. She came in from the kitchen, looking concerned. But
I just
to
ld her it was nothing, that I had just seen a spider
.
She looked at me with
those
dee
p brown eyes of hers, shrugged and then went back to the kitchen.
Oh
h
o
w I miss you! My life seems so incomplet
e
without you here
.
I walk
around
wi
th slumped shoulders and the glimmer in my eyes has disappeared. I
thoug
ht
I would be able to handle it
.
I guess I was wrong
.
I always hated it when
you
were
right.
If
I had known that night when you asked me ifl could make it
witho
ut
yo
u, that you were really considering leaving-my an
s
wer would have
been
differe
nt
.
There's no doubt
a
bout th
a
t
.
I thought you were asking a
hypothe
tic
al question. You alw
a
ys liked to delve into other people's philosophy
.
Go
d, I fee
l stupid-how could I let that one go by me?








I look
out over
the water, dreaming -
Drawn into
the
pattern
of
the waves:
Rising, rolling,
breaking on
the
shore
.
Shadows
are
trapped
in each
swiftly-moving
valley;
Sun
sparkles
like diamonds, flashing
from
each curling crest;
Wind ruffies the
surface, changing
patterns, lines, textures.
Water magic hypnotizes -
Ever-flowing, almost alive;
Ever-changing, always the same
.
- Diane DMAuieli









Snow Crocus - for M
o
t
h
er
In the corner of my garden
lies the snow crocus
.
Perhaps not the most beauteous flower
of all the Field
nor the most fragrant
nor the most virtuous
But it possesses an unsurpassing power -
the strength that comes from within
For who is the very first to break through
the frosty winter snows
depths of ice
phantom of negative powers
but the snow crocus?
In all her perils
She sings not a whistle of past sorrows
But proclaims a symphony of Joy
the true herald of Spring
and all the promise and hope a rebirth possesses,
In vibrant
,
contagious colors
With her head always facing the Sun.
Yet humble is her nature
for once the snow has melted away
She allows others to trample down her petals
She knows her purpose has been fulfi
ll
ed
So she chooses to lie Dormant
until she hears the call again.
Leaving not a sweet fragrance to be remembered by
nor ev
e
n a dying
s
hell of herself,
only her promise
Surer than the snows of January
that she will come again
.
-Mart,
1
-A
m
z 111. Carpenter








My grandma
jigsaw puzzles
1,000 pieces or more
spread out on the table
piles of sky, and brick, and grass
.
My grandma
kids were welcome
making noise
"happy noise"
kicking feet
against the radiator
My grandma
a grand piano she couldn't p
l
ay
neither could we
-
just Chopsticks, and Watchman
and noisy songs of our own.
My grandma
family reunions
at her house
Christmas, Thanksgiving,
her birthday in June
a big dinner and lots of t
a
lk.
My grandma
sang kids to sleep
"They just wanted to escape my voice."
My grandma
smoked cigarettes
holes in her sweaters and tablecloths
"My one vice
.
"
My grandma
very intelligent
won scholarships and awards
she'd even do crossword puzzles
in
pen
.
My grandma
loved kids, and animals,
and family, and everyone naturally
loved her right back
.
-D,ime DuAule/,1








When I Was Nine Years
Old .....
You promised it would be
alright
I believed it
all
the way
then you turned and hit me hard
and I hated you that day
.
I didn
'
t understand the hurt
my world became dark and cold
the promise broken scarred me for life
when I was nine years old.
So many years I believed you
I longed for the end to near
you told me the end was coming
you called me your darling dear
.
I was told I was your favorite
told you'd do anything for me
yet when I begged for you to stop her
you said,
"j
ust
let her be."
You told me she'd stop tomorrow
Yet tomorrow never came
I'm seventeen and still hoping
but tomorrow will be the same.
For years I kept it quiet
then I died inside
I couldn't live while knowing
it was for you that I had lied
.
Thirteen and still helpless
I was drowning in my fears
until people began to help me
t,y to deal with all those years
.
For a while I asked for their guidance
and they were always there
Then I knew it was time for me
to face the pain I couldn't bear
.
I've
stood
on my feet for years now
though the others somehow failed
but because they were there to help me
to the cross I wasn't nailed
.







I learned form them not to trust you
your promises would never come through
I'd stand on my own forever
I'd never give up to you.
Now another wants to have my faith
which I haven't had since nine
the faith you took away from me
the faith that wasn't mine
.
What's left of my childhood innocence
is being asked of me
the ultimate of all sacrifices
one he 11 never see
.
111 give
him
all I have
and 111 risk my new found world
In the hope that history won't repeat itself
from when I was a little girl.
-£aura
J. DeFazio















"
''
' d ,,
nor s
I think
Hamlet said it best, 'Words, words, words." What power do they
truly
have
over
us? We gave them meaning, and now they control us. But peop
l
e
don't
unders
tand
.
It's
a
dual relationship. We need words, and people don't
thin
k beyo
nd that
.
People become
slaves
to words and fumble
around
them
.
Words
need
people.
If
we don't use them, they
fade out
of
existence.
You need
to
look deeper.
Many people are afraid
of complicated speech,
but then l
oo
k
at
some others
, politicians
,
actors,
poets,
and
writers. Th
ey
use the
words,
not the
othe
r way around.
All
you
have to do is try
.
Words,
words,
words.
-Eli











WAR
Soldier against soldier.
Fear against fear
.
Life against life.
Who
will
die?
Whose life
will
be saved?
For if they were to meet under different circumstances
Could they have been friends instead of enemies?
Will there ever be peace
or just intermissions between one war and the next?
War is a time when the sun never rises
and never sets
.
It just lingers in the sky
Covered by the dark fog of fire
.
It
is
a time of pride
and sacrifice
.
When
all
the rifles have been placed on the ground
There
is
another battlefield to attend
-
The one at home.
Fighting back the tears,
Watching your loved one being
laid
to rest.
Praying that whe
r
ever they are
They never have to experience suffering again.
For war is never over
,
It is never forgotten.
The pain only lessens
But it is never completely gone
.
6y
Julie Shrider







Impulsive
For Brian
The smiling demi-god
looks me square in the face,
his laughter reverberates
and puts me in my place.
The lover of somnus
uneasily stalks the night,
searching now for patience
suicidal in his plight.
His music-an outlet
a secluded place to hide,
it takes him in and finds the piece
the part of him that's died.
The smiling demi-god
moves on again to go,
whether or not he11 fmd the laugh
only he will know
.
-MpG









Starfish Girl
byJonM We.&y
The boat stopped suddenly and the propeller quickly buried
itself in
to
the
sand
until
it did not move anymore.
The
man, who
had been thrown
forward
by
the impact, slammed
his fist
down in anger.
A
day that was
to
be
spent fishing
would
now be
spent waiting for the
tides to
free
him
from a sandbar.
He watched as the
s
un rose
over the water's
s
urface
.
It
would
be
a clear,
hot day. A
perfect
day to burn,
he thought.
The
man
sat there in
disbelief, not understanding how
this could
happen
to
him.
He had only wanted to relax for a few
hours, to get away from
the stress
and tension of everyday
life
.
But now he would be trapped in
a small
boat for
the
next
six
hours
or so with
nothing
to do.
The sun
rose higher in the
sky and the
day grew hotter
.
There
was
not
even a breeze coming off
the
water.
He
could take
it no longer
.
He jumped
out
of the
boat
and onto sand, which was
hot from the overhead sun. He pushed and
pulled violently, trying to
rock
the
boat free. But
it
was useless. He was going
to have to wait
for the tide
.
He climbed
back
into
the boat and
sat on
the uncomfortable wooden
bench.
As tin1e passed slowly,
he
sat there
and watched as the
water teased
him
from a distance.
There was
so
much
else that could
have
been
done today, he
thought. No, there
was
so
much
else that should
have been done today. There
were deals to be finished, there was
money
to be made and there was success to
be had. And where
was
he?
He
was
trapped
,
a
prisoner
of
the
tides.
As
he
sat there,
he noticed
something
lying next to
the
boat,
partially
covered with
s
and. He leaned
over
and picked it up
.
It
was a
starfish
.
He looked
at
it
for a moment, it was small
and tan,
and
then
he
tossed
it
on the bottom of
the
boat
.
He
went back to
looking out
over the water
and waited
.
The
sun
beat
down from
over
head and he
soon started to feel
drowsy
.
Using a pillow
as
a
towel,
he
leaned against the
bench
and closed
his
eyes.
Not long
after,
he
went
back
to sleep.
The man woke
up many hours later as
the
bo
at
rocked
back
and
forth
in
the water. High tide
had
come.
He
was free.
He started
the
outboard
motor
and
headed
in
the direction
of
the beach.
He was
sunbur
ned badly but
a
late
afternoon
breeze pushed across the
water and
made it momentarily
tolerable
.
The little boat
skipped across
the
waves
as the
man headed for
home.
He hoped
he
would not
run into
anyone who
would
ask
him
ifhe
h
ad
caught anything. It would
be
a painful reminder of
what
a
wasted
day it was. He wanted notlung
more
than to get on with his
life and put this
behind him.
As
he neared the beach, the man cut
th
e
engine and jumped into
the water
.
He
led
the boat up from the shallow water and pulled
it
onto
the
shore.
He
collapsed
in
the sand
next
to the
boat
and relaxed for a
moment
.
A terrible day
was
behind
him.
He heard laughing and shouting and
looked
around him. A
group of small
children were running along
the beach. One
of
them
,
a chubby
girl,
stopped
by
the
man
and the boat.
"Look,"
s
h
e
said
to
no one in particular "a starfish."
The starfish lay in
the
bottom
of
th
e
boat where the
man had tossed it and






forgotten about it. The girl
stared
in wonder.
"Go ahead. You can take it if you want." He said. He had no use for it.
She looked at him uncertainly for a moment, this sunburned, tired,
gruff
looking man, and then her eyes turned back to the starfish. She knelt down and
carefully picked it up. She placed it in the palm of her hand and slowly touched
it. And them, without another look at the man, she turned and slowly walked
down the beach
in
the direction that she had come from.
The man sat there on the beach watching her walk away. And, for the first
time that day, he smiled
.








Truthful Wishes
His
eyes stared
at me
.
They penetrated deep
into my soul. They
reached
through
my heart
and
entered
my mind
.
He
could see
all
of
me
,
know all of me and he
could
have all of me.
His mouth
spoke
to me. His lips called my name.
They were luscious
.
They were pink. They were
full
and I wanted to feel them against mine.
His hands were
soft and
delicate. They rested in
his lap. I longed to wrap his fingers with
mine, to feel his
touch.
His
arms
looked strong
and
muscular
.
They
could
cause violence or be the
sources of
safety.
I wished they were
around
me, holding
me close and tight, keeping me wann
.
His
chest
was fine and toned. I watched
as
it
moved with
every breath
.
I
could
imagine how
it
would
feel to rest my head upon
it,
to feel
him next
to
me
.
Everything
about
him
was
wonderful. He was
caring
and
sincere.
And I knew in my heart
he would do nothing to hurt me. Instead,
he
would
protect me. In my eyes, my
mind,
and even
in my heart
,
this
man was
perfection.
-I.aura
J. DeF,uio






What is it to love a black man
to stroke the broad mahogany planes of his chest
covered with tightly curled strands of hair
that curl into sleep at the slightest touch of
my hands
to see his eyes, dark brown
to be drowned in clear waters like those rivers that
empty into the Mississippi
except their orbs hold a certain welcome and late
sunset fire
that warms into my bones
hands of the soil awake and stir into life ancient
tremors
black hands hold black hands
black mouths meet
music starts of a different kind
pulsating
rhythmic
ancient
history sits and looks on
his black head lies on the white feathery pillow next
to mine
a slight smile slides across his moutl1
i too smile
his hand lazy encircles my waist
the air emits the smells of jasmine and mint plants
and the chirping of grasshoppers in llie night
and distant beats of drums
black hands
dom
dom
dom
somewhere the face of Africa smiles.
-Jl
.
clare roy












ignoring the obvious
you don
'
t want to know me.
so
close your eyes and be blind to my flaws
.
i'm not
perfect like you. i don't work as hard as you or with your passion. i've made
mistakes before and i will make them again
.
i can't be like you,
i
won't
let
myself.
i
don't believe in the same things that you think are right. you don't like me or
whati'mabout
.
that's your flaw and you can't live with it.you claim to love me,
that's difficult to grasp. you've never shown your love. i sit and think, do you
really love me
or
do you feel that it's your job to. i've pleaded to you for help, only
to be ignored
.
"only the weak need help," you once told me
.
i tried to be strong,
but
it doesn't work for me. strength is my weakness, i'm sorry. sorry for living,
sorry
for being part of your life. you never liked my friends, because they were
my
strength
and your weakness
.
although you'd never admit it. i'mnever correct
in your view of things. you're the one who's brought me to this point in my life
.
the reason i've been to therapy, the reason for me being so different from
everyone
.
the reason i'm about to do what i'm about to do. the scars
that
have
formed on the outside, are nothing compared to the pain and wounds i have on
the inside
.
i11
miss my friends and i hope they11 understand someday that i did
thi
s
for
myself.
you make this easy, so very easy
.
thanks dad, for making
something
in my life so simple.
-Jerek
j'oh11,1on







Doo
r
23
Twenty
-
three dreams
arbitrarily infiltrated my
not so sleeping soul.
Twenty-three dreams
foc
u
sed and linked
from eyes without a blink
and my not so sleepy soul.
-MpG











Alone
sitting alone in my room, as
i am right now, is depressing. depression is
good,
good you say.
depression will leave for
a
bit when
you
become happy, but it never
leaves
forever.
depression is my friend, happiness just makes
you feel
like
it's
your friend. it always
leaves though and doesn't come back that
often.
loneliness
is evil, to be alone
is the worst. no friends, no girVboy friend
or
just having
nothing to
do. we've all
experienced
one
of
those
situations
and that
just hurts
you deep
down inside
.
you
won't admit you cry when
you're
alone, but
i
know
you do. it's nothing
to be
ashamed
of. getthose emotions
out
before
they eat you
alive.
being alone can be productive. you get to find out
who you
really
are.
just
how miserable
your life really is. you
try
to change things about yourself, you
gain acceptance,
friends, even a
lov
er.
all of that
stuff,
and you
'
ll
still
be
alone.
alone with
knowledge that no one will ever figure you out
or
understand
you
the
person.
the person inside.
you
know who you are, but no
one
el
se
will ever
truly
know you as well as
yourself
.
except
for me, i know
everyone
inside and
out.
the
jocks, the
preps,
the
nerds, the hippies, everyone,
even
the people
who
hide
.
the
ones who walk with
their heads down
.
i know you the best
.
so
deal
with
loneliness, it's your
eternal friend
.
that can never leave you. loneliness is the
on
l
y
thing
that will know
you
from birth to death
.
i know no
introductions
need
to be
made, i
see
you've
met
.
-'Jerek
jobflJon







worn
by
time
it
brings me upon tears
to behold this bitter piece
of!oss
they never stop raging within
as
i
lie naked-upon my cross
brothers in arms
in the
spring
of their lives
have broken,
fallen
their dreams long denied
one crawled back to his past,
the king of pain again crowned
inhaling his demons,
he walks amid the sweet under ground
one has despised the life
that he has constantly led
and rather than tear at the
sheets,
he has learned to live with doubt,
instead
one was stripped of his future
by those of his blood
after fighting for change,
he's thrown back to the mud
one spent months in a bed
to see through the clear
it took for him to be crippled,
with the whispering of death in his ear
why did fate
demand that
we
should
suffer
for
suffer
we
did
in the loss of
each other
a day
will
come
when i11 see them again
the boys
will
have
slept
as
they've bled
out
new men
-Dave Barrett











Dead on Arrival,.....,
America's Favorite Game Show
By
Don
Raff
"Liiiivvee ...
from Hollywood, it's
America's
most popular game
show
.
..
Dead ..
on
.. Arrival
!
And now here is
your
host, the happy reaper
...
Dick
Fark."
The tuxedo clad Fark rushes in from
stage
right.
"Good
evening ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Dead on Arrival. the
game show where the most
creative
final
exit
performed tonight, live on our
stage
will be
awarded
one hundred thousand dollars in cash. Now let me
introduce my partner,
as
always
on
Dead
On
Arrival ...
the
beautiful Riuniti
Bianco."
Riuniti, a buxom blonde, in
a
long, bright blue sequined gown
enters
on
stage.
She bows to the
audience
and
cameras,
then does a twirl around to show
off her gown.
"Riuniti, why that is certainly
a
killer gown tl1at you
are
wearing tonight."
"Why
thank you, Dick."
"Better not let the contestants
see
you
or
we'll have a
short s
how."
"Oh,
ha, ha, ha."
"And now Riuniti
will
explain how Dead
on
Arrival works."
"Thanks, Dick. We have three
contestants.
Each
contestant
will come out
with their family and tell us their reason
for
wanting to leave
this
world and how
they intend to do
it
live,
on
our
stage.
Theo bject
is
to be creative and entertaining.
At the
end of
our program our
studio
audience will vote for which one of the
contestant check-outs
they like the best.
The family of
the
winner
will take home
one
hundred thousand dollars in
cash and some
lovely prizes
.
The winner
tonight will go up
against all
the
other winners
this year to compete
in
our
tournament
of
champions at
the
end
of the
season
for one million dollars in cash
.
Back to
you
Dick."
"Thank you, Riuniti. Now Rip Chord, pleaseintroduceourfirstcontestant."
"Dick,
he's a former
account executive
for a prestigious Wall Street
broker
.
From Bronxville, New York-please welcome Phil Sludge and his
family."
The
audience applauds as
the contestant
and
his family is escorted on
stage
.
"Welcome
to Dead
on
Arrival, Phil. Please introduce your lovely family
to
us."
"Oh,
thank you Dick
.
Well, Dick, this is my wife Buffy
and
my
daughters
Mufly and Bambi."
The Sludge family nods their hellos
.
'Well Phil, tell us
the
reason for
entering an asylum,
and how you
plan
to
do it tonight
.
"
"Dick, I have been diagnosed
with
inoperable
cancer
of the lungs."
"A
heavy
smoker,
Phil?"
"No Dick, I am a victim
of second
hand smoke from an uncaring co-
worker who
smoked
three packs a day. He is as healthy as
a
kid,
but I
quickly
developed terminal lung
cancer.
Instead
of
putting my family through years
of
grief
and wiping out our savings on
medical bills, I feel now is the time to go.
I












hope to
win
the
money for my daughter's educations."
The
audience responds approvingly to Phil's story. His family hugs him
.
"Tell
u
s
Phil,
what is your
method
of extinction?"
"Well
Dick,
your production staff has constructed a large plexiglass
chamber. At
one
end
of
the
chamber is attached a large, powerful vacuum-an
industrial
type that
is
more
powerful than the most powerful home vacuum
.
My
mouth
will
be
attached to the
other end of the chamber and
if
everything goes
right, I
will
be
sucked inside-out, into the plexiglass chamber."
Th
e
audience
applauds
loudly.
"Okay Phil, say goodbye
to your family because it is time for you to play
Dead
on
Arriv
a
l."
Phil
and
hi
s fami
l
y
hugs,
and his little
daughters
smile at him. The curtain
is opened to
reveal the vacuum
device. Phil walks over to the chamber
.
Stage
hands pla
ce
him
vertically
on a platform while his mouth is attached to the
pipe
that is protruding
from the
side of
the
chamber. Phil's mouth goes over the
pipe
and
it is
secured with
a
large
o-ring clamp.
"Re
a
dy
Phil?"
Phil nods.
"Let's
count
down: five,
four, three, two, one ... turn on the vacuun1!"
The vacuum
is turned on and it makes a deafening noise
.
Wwwwwwwwwwhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrSPLAT! Phil's
body
explodes into the
chamber, inside out. Large splotches of blood, bones and
flesh
are splattered
on
the plexiglass
chamber. The only thing that did not enter
the chamber
was Phil's
shoes.
As
the audience applauds wildly, Dick spots the
s
hoe
s
. Dick qu
iets the
audience.
'Will
you get
a shot of this, this is precious
.
Phil's shoes did not make
it
with him.
"
The on-air camera
reveals a tight close-up of Phil's brown wing-tips
which sit next to
each other on the platform. The camera stays on the shoes as
the audience and Phil's family laugh
in hysterics. Dick picks them up and hands
them to Phil'
s
wife who is
still laughing.
"
Ha, ha
,
ha here Buffy
..
.
take
your late husband's shoes.What a wonderful
way to rememb
er
a great husband
and father
.
Good luck and bye now."
"
R
emembe
r,
all of
the last
acts of our contestants are under the constant
supervisi
o
n
of a team of
physicians
from the Humana Hospital's assisted suicide
divi
s
ion
.
Don't
forget,
at
Humana,
death is quiet, pleasant and within thirty
minut
es
or
le
ss-or
it's free!
Rip Chord, who is our next contestant?"
"Dick, he's a former maintenance
engineer from East Los Angeles,
California, let's
we
l
come Segundo
Segundo
and his family
.
"
A
family
of
Mexicans
is brought on stage by Riuniti.
"Well Segundo,
you have an
unusual
name."
"Si.,,
"Not many people have the
same first and
last
name."
"Uh
,
si."
"Is
there
any significance to
that?"
"Uh,
I
dunno?"
"Well, that's O.K.
Segundo. Why don't you introduce the family for
us
.
"
"
Si
.
Dees
ess
my
wife Rosita,
my
sons Segundo, Laddio, Flavio,
my
daught
ers
Margrita
,
Chi
Chi, and
my mamma
.
"
"All
right Segundo
tell America why you want to bite the big one."










"Meester Deek,
for
many
year
I mop floors in nucleer power plant
.
Last
year
contameenated
water leek
onto
floor. I see dee
water.
I mop
eet
up. It's my
yob to do that. I get radeeation poisoneeng from water
.
Meester Deek, I veiy
poor and I want to ween monee for my familee."
Ah's are heard from the
audience
as they politely applaud Segundo's
story.
"Veiy
noble of Segundo. Now tell us how you plan to pass on."
"I
watch Rosita bake bread. I
see
bread rise through leetel weendow in
oven. I theenk, eefl eet muchyeest, I get eento
oveen
and rise unteel I blow-up
.
"
The audience screams
in
anticipation.
"Segundo, there is
something
you did before the show began, is that
right?"
"Yes Meester Deek, I eet raw yeest."
"Correct.
Segundo - fifty pounds
of
Fleshman' s commercial baking yeast,
you 11 begin to rise as soon as you hit the heat ... to
assist
you with this we had
a
special
oven built
.
Could
we
open the curtain please."
The
curtain
is opened to reveal
an
oven that
is
large
enough
to
fit
a human
man.
"As
you
can see, this is a microwave oven built especially for D. O.A. from
our friends at General Electric, remember: We bring good things to life. Back
to you, Dick."
"Segundo,
say goodbye to your family because it is time to play D.O
.
A."
Segundo bids his family an emotional farewell. He enters the giant
microwave. Riuniti shuts the large
see
through door.
"Ready, let's
count
down: five, four, three, two, one ... turn on the oven."
The inside of the
oven
lights up. Segundo
can
be
seen
lying on his back.
Within
a few seconds
the
yeast
he ate begins to rise causing his
stomach
to swell
up like a balloon being inflated by
a
helium
canister.
MmmmmmsssssswwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeePLOTCH
.
Segundo
explodes all over
the inside
of
the oven
.
The audience goes nuts with applause
.
"Well
Mrs. Segundo,your husband blew out like
a
worn tire hitting a nail.
You must be
veiy
proud."
"Oh Meester Deek, I hope we ween.
"
"Well good luck to you
.
"
The Segundos
are
walked off the stage
.
Don't forget, the families of the runners-up receive the home version of
Dead on Arrival by Worlds of Wonder. Well now it's time for that part of our
show
where we give two lucky members of our studio audience a chance to win
money in
our
lightning round. Rip Chord, please introduce our two players."
"Dick, meet Russ T
.
Autoparts and Sammy Phlegm."
The
audience applauds
as the curtain
opens
to reveal two men who are
strapped
into regulation
electric
chairs
.
"Russ T. Autoparts what do you do for
a
living?"
"I deliver pizza for Dominos
.
"
"I see, so
you're experienced in taking.Your life in your own hands?"
"Actually, I am a good driver, Dick."
"O.K.
Sammy Phlegm, what do you do?"
"Ah,
I don't do nuttin
'
Dick
.
"
"Russ,
why did you decide to play our lightning round?"
"Well
Dick, it looks like fun."








"How about you, Sammy?"
'Tm with him."
"You
mean the
two of you are friends?"
"Yeah."
"Sammy,
you don't need a reason to play the lightning round, but why did
you?"
"I
am with him,
Dick. He drove us here and I go where he goes or I'm
not
gonna get home,
ya know?"
"That's
good
enough for me Sammy
.
You both
understand
how we play
the lightning round.
Both of you are strapped into an electric chair.
Both
of you
get the same amount
of current at the same time
.
The first
person who loses
their
vital functions within
sixty seconds wins a thousand dollars. Got it?
Russ,
are
you all set?"
"Give me
some
juice, man?"
"Sammy?"
"Ah, I'm with him
Dick, so I gotta, you know?"
"O.K. let's play
our
lightning
round.
Ready,
set, tum on the juice
.
"
The electricity
is turned on. Both contestants'
bodies bolt up
as far as
their
restraints
will
allow. Their bodies begin
to
flutter up
and
down
and smoke
rises
from the contact point
of the electrodes on their
bodies. After
sixty
seconds, a
game
show
buzzer
is sounded.
"Alright, turn
off
the
electricity and start
the
clock."
A clock is
su
perin1posed
over a shot of two
screens
showing the
vital
signs
of each contestant
while
the
orchestra plays a countdown
tune
.
The clock gets
to ten and both vitals
are
still going
strong
.
"Let's count down:
five, four,
three,
two
,
one."
A buzzer
sounds and both still have their
vital
signs.
"Oh I am afraid that no
contestant
has lost their vital
signs
in the
course
of sixty seconds
so
no one wins the thousand dollars tonight. We'll
add
another
thousand to that
so
that it
will
be
worth two
thousand dollars. Russ and Sammy's
next of kin will be receiving
a
Dead
on
Arrival home game by Worlds
of
Wonder
with our
compliments.
That
'
s thewayitgoessomenights
.
Bytheway, don't miss
our senior citizens show next week
where all
the contestants will be
elderly
.
We
love the old folks here at D.O
.
A.
because they are
so much
fun.
And make
a
note,
our annual Christmas
show is coming
up. It is a
one
hour
special
and
all of our
contestants
will be poor and
homeless folks from around
the country, it will be
a real holiday treat
.
Rip Chord,
who is our final contestant
tonight?"
"Dick,
she
is vice-president
for
IBM. In
and out of
psychiatric wards and
mental hospitals for years because
of
clinical depression and border line
personality disorder, from Poughkeepsie,
New
York-please
welcome
I vanna
Mann."
The contestant
is brought on stage
.
"Welcome Ivanna."
"Hello
.
"
"So
I
see
you
have
frequented
psych wards.
"
"Yeah."
}s
th.at why you w.~nt to buy the farm?"
So I m depressed
.
"Well
that
certainly
is
a good enough reason the
play
D.O.A., but is there
more to
it than that?"






"No."
"Come
now
lvanna, haven't
you
tried
to
douse the
lights
several times?"
"Forty-three attempts
.
"
'Well that is depressing
in itself. lvanna,
you say that
you have no living
family,
what do you want
done
with the
money
if
you
win?"
"Keep it
.
Who cares. I just want out."
That is your decision to
make lvanna,
but if
you change your mind before
you body becomes room temperature you can
let us know."
"Get on with it
lowlife."
The audience boos
and
snickers
.
"I see
there
are a few
more people here
who will
be glad to
see you
go."
"Go
to hell."
'Well
lvanna, I
see we
have
a
bit
of an attitude.
That may
cost
you
some
audience votes."
"You bore me Fark.
Can I get
on with
this?"
"As
you wish.
You
are
wearing
a
long
coat.
Is there
a
reason
for
this?"
"Yes
.
For
years
I have
been
used,
rejected and
treated like
a
piece of meat
by men
.
I
have
been
taken
advantage of
because
of
my great beauty. Since I was
booked
for this show
I have been furiously working
on
my body. I
am
at the peak
of physical perfection."
Ivanna drops her
coat
to reveal her incredible body, decked in a micro-
bikini
.
Men in the audience
howl
and
whistle
at
her.
"Take a good
look guys. Eat your hearts
out
.
You'll never have anything
this good again."
"Tell us Ivanna,
how will
you catch the
last train out?"
"
I
will have
my
fabulous
body
completely covered
in wann beef fat, then
I
will enter a
large
steel cage.
Five wild
wolves
have been
starved
for
six
days and
fed
high
doses of
LSD.
The wolves
will be let into the
cage
where they will
tear
my body to shreds and feed on
my
bones."
The
audience
hoots
and hollers.
"Ivanna, our audience
likes your
choice.
It may make up
for
the initial
hostile
reaction you received."
"Get going,
I'm
ready."
"Alright
lvanna, let's
open
up the
curtain."
When
the
curtain is
opened,
a
giant
cage
is revealed. Next to it
a
connecting cage contains
the growling ravenous
wolves
.
Two female
stage
hands
come on stage to assist
I vanna in covering herself in beef
fat.
"A.ny
final
words?"
"Suffer you
male bastards ...
oh,
booo, hooo, hooo, hooooo."
"O.K
.
Ivanna,
it is time to
play Dead
on
Arrival,
so
into the cage."
Ivanna enters the cage and she
lies down
on the
floor.
"Let's count her
down: five
,
four, three, two,
one
... release the
wolves."
The wolves are released
into
the cage.
They run growling
to
Ivanna
seemingly to tear her to
bits, however, the
wolves stop
when tl1ey
reach
her. They
sniff
her
but seem confused and
instead
of attacking
her, they whimper
away
as
if they were
lost
puppies
.
I vanna looks up
and
is
stunned.
A buzzer is
sounded.
"Oh I'm
s
orry
Ivanna, but
you have failed
to
get
to
the
great beyond, so
I must disqualify you."
Ivanna is stunned and she
gets up
.
"I don
'
t believe
this. What's wrong
with these wolves?"






Ivanna goes over to the cage and she peers in
.
All of them are huddled
together and shivering.
"Hey Fark, these are all male wolves!"
"I am sorry Ivanna, but the game is over."
"Burned all my life
by
men and now rejected by a pack of starved, drugged
male
wolves. Mangy bastards attack me
,
rip me up like paper!"
Ivanna begins
kicking at the wolves causing then to shrink back and yelp.
"We need to have the
contestant removed from the cage
.
"
Four stage
hands run out and drag lvanna from the cage screaming.
"No,
no you bastards,
I want to die. Forty-four times is ridiculous
.
Let me
go you
sons
of bitches, male
pigs. I
have
been cheated again
.
"
'Well nothing
like a sore loser to ruin things for everyone and spoil all the
fun. Since
our
last
contestant was disqualified, our audience will be voting for
only two contestants. Attached
to the audience
'
s seat is a voting box
.
There are
buttons marked
one and two, simply press the number you wish
to vote
for. Now
let's
replay our two contestants
.
First-number one, the former account executive
Phil
Sludge."
"WwwwwwhirrrrrrrrrrrrrrSPLAT!"
"Number two,
the
n1aintenance engineer Segundo Segundo."
''MmmmmsssswwwwwwweeePLOTCH!"
"Our computer
has tabulated
the results, will it be Phil Sludge or Segundo
Segundo?
Riuniti,
may
I
have the results?"
Riuniti hands Dick
a card with the name of
the
winner.
"Ladies
and
gentlemen,
the winner of tonight's one hundred thousand
dollars
is
...
Phil
Sludge."
'WwwwwwhhhhhhiiiiiiirrrrrrrrSPLAT!"
"Let's have the Sludge
family out here."
The
family is
escorted back onto the stage by Riuniti.
'Well
Buffy
Sludge, what do you have to say?"
"Phil was always a
good
provider."
"Buffy you win
the
big
money
but that's not all. Rip,
tell
them what they
have
won."
"Dick,
the Sludge
family wins a
lavish
funeral and top of the
line
casket
from Tweedmans, the nation's largest
chain of
funeral homes.
Burial
and marble
headstone
at any
Angel
of
Heaven
cemetery, an all expense paid trip
to
Club
Med for
single's weekend and a beautiful
men's
wardr ... make
that
woman's
wardrobe
from the Speigel
catalogue, Speigel, Chicago 60609.
Back to
you,
Dick."
"Remember
Sludges,
at the end of this season
Phil's
end will compete
with
our other
winners
for one
million
dollars in our tounrnment of champions.
What
a show tonight!
This
is
Dick
Fark with Riuniti Bianco reminding you that
if
you
are contemplating the end,
don't do
anything rash, come on
Dead
on Arrival and
die
for cash!
Bye, bye now."
Fark, Riuniti and the
remaining Sludge family wave
to
the camera as the
remaining
theme
music plays
and
the
audience applauds.
"This is
Rip
Ch01·d speaking for Dead on Arrival, a
Mark
Goodson, Dr.
Jack
Kervorkian
Production."



Mylu Pinkney









The Mosaic
Published by the Marist College Literary Arts Society
(
•


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